HOME ---

I just read a blog post and like many things a single line caught my attention ----

It's funny, I have friend who sees a therapist regularly and she is often asked to explain herself for these kinds of things. Maybe recognizing and then writing these impressions down is therapeutic. 

Here's the post I was reading.

here is the quote that slammed me.

"   I felt tired. It felt like it would be more work than I had the energy to do. I was confused about which way to go. I read go dark! I read go light! We didn’t have a large budget. I worried that I couldn’t get what I wanted without the right amount of money.

Until I just got tired of being tired."

That is me ---- that is my house ----- I know what happened ----- She moved away, thing changed, my give a damn is broke again. 

I'n the picture above, you can see a sliver of a dark wall. I want that dark paint gone so badly, I want light and pretty and PANTONE WHITECAP GREY walls - yes i do. And since she moved away, I'll have to do it myself. It's a long story and it is very complicated, but it is what it is. I want - I want - I want. And none of it is super expensive, its just super overwhelming. 

So - now I have really identified the problem and now I can really take that power away from it. 

The blogpost ended with the phrase "I feel silly for stalling" ---- yup - I want to be able to write that phrase. 

And I have one of the world's best GIVE A DAMN repairmen readily available.

Have a great afternoon. 

SUMMER WANES

Every week.

I have beauty on my desk.

Not purchased.

But somewhat planned.

A flower bed prepped and planted with the plan to cut blooms.

I never know what to expect to be there. 

But I sure know, it has been a wonderful summer.

Pretty too.

moments

Every morning on the way to work I talk to her.

How we slept. 

Where she is in her morning routine.

What she accomplished yesterday.

Plans (always tentative) for her day. 

Occasionally there is a snippet of REAL conversation

Occasionally there is HARD conversation. 

But, my friends, it is ALL good. 

See for many years it was stormy between us. 

Reasons -- honestly they don't even matter anymore.

He picked her up and brought her to the soccer field. 

She got out and took my hand as we started down the hill.

A moment. A beautiful moment. 

MY MAMA'S HAND IN MINE. 

She needed me for support.

It was extra effort for him.
To call her.
To convince her to come to sweet Addison's game.
To go get her.
But all that extra was brushed off with-
"It's the right thing to do."

And Addie smiled big and wrapped her arms around.
And my Mama smiled big and wrapped hers too.
And it was big and full and deep and beautiful.

And we started back up that hill.

And she took my hand again.

She needed me for support.

I needed her to need me.

Addie needs to love us both.
We need to love those around us HARD.
and BIG
and FULL
and DEEP

And go that little bit extra.
Not just talk about it.
Not just say things like
"You should spend more time with your Mama"
But try and find ways to make those MOMENTS happen.

Because it's the right things to do.

And the hand that trembled as it reached for my chin.

I needed it for support.

And now because of that.

I'm no longer scared to say that I need it.

So I held her hand and she held mine.
And it was big and deep and full and beautiful.

REALLY - The whole thing is just LOVE.

HOPE WINS

Add up the scores. Even in scrabble,  HOPE WINS.

Back there.......

It happened too fast. 

Too late to prepare.

Too late to respond.

But there it was. 

Then it was gone. 

It left me trying to live in the past again. 

To see things imagined.

If only..................

You know the feeling. 

If only I had done this. 

If only he had lived.

If only it wasn't so complicated. 

Then a text. 

Two words.

CALL ME.

And that phone call

Reminded me that I came out stronger after

That I want to live EVERY SINGLE DAY

Actively chasing dreams 

Not talking about it.

Dreaming about it. 

DOING IT DAMMIT. 

Not listening to others ways of handling it. 

Doing it in the best way I see.

Adapting as I go.

Maybe almost dying changed me. 

Maybe the weight of being sad was the deciding factor

Maybe realizing that I wanted to chase the dream. 

Whatever it was - here I am. 

Just today.

Not yesterday. 

Not tomorrow. 

But .

I am sorry I didn't wave.

A Weekend Treat

Fall in the mountains of north Georgia and Western North Carolina. 

A bit early for October's big colorful leaf gala

But still a wonderful get away. 

Sunny. Beautiful. Warm.

Windows down. 

Wind in my hair.

Tangles worth every bit of it. 

A bit of antiquing. 

Visits - yes plural - with friends. 

Friday evening included dinner with the Blind Pig crew. 

There was smoked chicken -and pork. 

And sides.
And dessert.

and dessert after dessert.

the food was wonderful.
but even better was the company.

We arrived to a film crew making a video.

There were wonderful status worthy comments
including but not limited to

"he's looking at me"

and

"it's not clumpy enough"

and then there was the whole

"creepy doll heads and a bleeding tree of death"

lots of laughter
LOTS
OF
LAUGHTER

after dinner we gathered for music

Tipper

Miss Cindy and Ruby
(note The Deer Hunters were warm while all us ladies were freezing)

this was a treat - I had no idea The Main Deer Hunter played as well. 

The Pressley Girls treated me to my favorites. 

It was a beautiful evening full of fun and love. 

I am looking forward to seeing the whole crew at their deer camp soon. 

This time we may all cook together but I think there will be some fresh apple cake. 

The John Campbell School Folk Festival

Always a huge treat.

Craft - artists at work

Performances

Demonstrations

It was a full two days

But I am so glad I took the time to go. 

I'm especially happy that I took time to visit with Tipper and her family.

Have a great week all

Big lessons from a small scale creation

The creative part of the tag above is covered at my other blog.

Here's the lesson that happened when the creative Muse brought her teaching companions. I call them Karma and the the Universe. But reality - God teaches and if we are open to the lessons, we can continually grow.

I started the tag for my 31 day project with NO IDEA how the crap to illustrate the word. Others on the list are so easy for me to picture, but this one - NOPE - BLANK - NO IDEA. (this fact should have been the first indication of a lesson coming - one which keeps your own ideas out of the way of the teaching)


I took the "easy" way out. I cut the dictionary definition out.  I read it - and I sat with it - and waited for the muse. (No digging thru my stuff or anything)

As I said earlier - she showed up and brought her friends and i said ---- UH-OH when those two show up - its gonna be a good one.

I pulled out my box of stuff labeled "GAME PIECES". Okay, maybe we are taking a "doing something fun makes you content" approach. I pulled a Monopoly $100.00 bill. Then from another box a tear-off ticket stub. Lying there on the table - a tag - and a strange assemblage of papers.

Get ready ------ here's the lesson

MONEY AND STUFF ARE NOT THE TICKET TO BEING CONTENT. CONTENTMENT REALLY DOES COME FROM FULLY ACCEPTING YOURSELF RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE NOW. 


This phrase repeatedly echoed in my brain. The remaining elements then literally were easy to add to the tag.

My thinking changed.

A stamp featuring a dog ----  give dogs food, shelter, and attention and they are happy as they can be. CONTENT with the very basics they have. Not at all concerned that his collar is not as nice as the poodle who live across the street wears. Or that he gets a bath at home instead of going to that fancy place she goes to.

The DMC Floss label - I have hundreds that I've kept. I also have LOTS of floss that I've never used. I cross stitched obsessively for years and went on a HAD TO HAVE all the colors on the list spree, then my enthusiasm waned for that craft.  On to the next obsession - (lather, rinse, repeat) you get the idea. OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ANYONE. BALANCE - fun and play and work and service and do not forget worship and rest. Balance your life and you will find a lot more CONTENTMENT. 

Then there's the little amber bead drop - I have a pickle jar FULL of assorted bits. Beads, trims, sequins, etc. A fabric warehouse sale with a bin full of ends and trimmings - sign saying stuff a bag for a dollar - most people get ONE --- me I stuffed three. 3.00 - sounds innocent doesn't it - but I rarely pull that jar to do anything with the stuff. Why? Because I have to dig through it. All mixed up. Aggravating. Another message. LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE - it's not a bargain if you are not going to USE it. I have beads and sequins and stuff that is sorted and easy to use and i go to them all the time. I should have been CONTENT with those and not looked at this pile and just had to have it.

That last little bit - a piece of cardboard tube with a tiny bit of string still on it. I have a jar of these in assorted colors. Have no idea why I bought them, but I did. Years ago. And this is very first time I have ever used one thing out of that jar. I display them in the jar in the studio and when I look at them it makes me happy. Someone saved these - just like me - thinking there may be use for this stuff in the future. This may seem to contradict the message of the tag so far, but here's my thinking on this. Being CONTENT does not mean just waiting for things to happen to you. Planning for future and working for things is not the same as waiting for this to happen before I can be happy. you know "I'll just be CONTENT when I pay off this" or "if I could just have _______ I would be CONTENT." 

I added a plain cotton string hanger to this because I want the reminder that while it looks complicated, there is often a plain and simple way to everything.

See - I told you the Muse brought the teachers on this one.

Let's just see what happens the rest of this month project.

And maybe - I'll use some of the stuff in that dang mixed jar of bits.