I sure love these songsand videos

http://www.vevo.com/watch/the-civil-wars/the-one-that-got-away/USQX91301140




http://www.vh1.com/music/tuner/2013-07-29/the-civil-wars-same-old-same-old-video/

Yes I am

 If we just get quiet, get brave, and listen very closely....our hearts will tell us what to let go of.

I wear this all the time. I have occasionally taken it off to clean it.

I survived breast cancer.

I survived kidney cancer.

I survived losing my Daddy.

I survived many things.

I earned this necklace. Someone who loves me gave it to me (along with a stuffed kidney replica).

I am a survivor ----- no one can take that away.

I wear this all the time.

I will keep wearing this all the time.

And when I touch it --- I remember.

BEAUTY SHOULDN'T BE HIDDEN - OR IT BECOMES UGLY

I DO NOT NEED FIXING

I'M A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES

BUT HELL - I'M STILL STRONG.

AND BEAUTIFUL.

WHY

Because I can finally see that where I am is where I really need to be. 

Because the laughter is coming back.

Because the smiles reach my eyes again. 

Because the future is in front of me. 

Because forward is where I want to go. 

Because cancer changed everything. 

Because I can focus on being debt free. 

Because encouragement is always the best.

Because I AM WORTHY. 

Because who I am now is very real. 

Because my life is beautiful. 

Because buttons and fabric and paper and old silverware and flowers and coffee are all a part of me.

Because butterfly pictures and sunrise pictures and baby pictures make me smile even bigger. 

Because old stuff fascinates me. 

Because buried whiskey bottles and canning jars obviously contain magic potions.

Because that red recliner is quite comfy.

Because my house has not been a home for a long time.

Because I was waiting for change to make the house what I wanted it to be.

Because I am no longer waiting for that change. I am moving forward now.

Because productivity requires focused work.

Because I'm not putting off being happy. 

Because taking that step forward right now was the right decision for me. 

Because, if I'm really honest with myself, I've known these answers all along. 

Because. 

What I have learned this week....

The picture has not one thing to do with the post. I made those tiny crochet roses and I like them.

1. Literal interpretation is NOT always the best. This lesson came from a person who is so literal that I have to be careful which order I list restaurant choices in. But sometimes the literal translation leave a wake of frustration in it's path.

2. Sometimes the best decisions we make come with difficult consequences.

3. As long as the heart hopes that you can work things out, then maybe you can. MY HEART IS SO FULL OF HOPE TODAY.

4. There have been way too many storms in my world recently. I'm ready for some clearing of the storm clouds.

5. Being afraid that "I'm not good enough." is damaging to me. Being afraid "I'll screw things up." keeps me from being myself. Not being who I am and trying to "get all the rules right" keeps me from relaxing and growing.

6. Counseling might be good, but self honesty is better.

7. This one from my mama after a difficult conversation about some things in my life. "Can you sleep at night?" "Are you better since you did this?" "Does this make positive change possible?" "Are you convinced this is the right thing?" - Being able to say yes to these questions - she then said "then go for it." I love my mama.

8. After two weeks of being short handed at work ----- I NEED A HOOKY DAY.

9. A 72 year old woman has proven to me the she can work circles around me. Yes she can. But in helping her, I learned a lot. I laughed a lot. I rolled my eyes a bit. I worked physically harder than I normally do. But it was rewarding and full of blessings. Helping others - its what we do - it's what we all should do - it doesn't matter who it is - it doesn't matter who all is there - what does matter is deciding to work together towards a common goal of helping one another.

10. Another one from my mama --- "you don't owe anyone an explanation for deciding what is right for you?" My mama is quite a character - I love her anyway. She has made decisions that a lot of people might question her sanity about. Hell, I've questioned her sanity about some of them. But she is comfortable with who she is - where she has been - how far she has come - and where she is going. I've told her some things recently that I was hesitant to share. I was afraid of her reactions - turns out I did not need to be. She loves me anyway.

11. People gonna love. People gonna hate. Is what it is. We will just have to see.

12. Moving forward ---- sure as hell beats stagnant ---- and is certainly better than backing up.

13. I made decisions. My decisions. They were hard decisions. They hurt others. They hurt me. They helped others. They helped me. I have suffered consequences form them. I have been given blessings by them. I'll keep trying to make the right ones.

14. No matter what anyone thinks, I am making the best me I can every day and this is right for me.

Broken is still beautiful

I turned 48 on Sunday.

I'm grayer than I used to be. A bit overweight. 

Occaionally I laugh so hard the tears roll down my legs. (Go ahead process what that really means....it's funny)

I'm no longer afraid to cry.

There are wrinkles around my eyes.

Stretch marks across my stomach.

A scar around my left breast. A huge one across my stomach. A tiny one just under my bottom lip too.

I need reading glasses at times.

There are days when adrenal fatigue or a migraine frustrate me.

Two times I stared the devil called cancer in the face. I won. For now.

I loved and lost.  I loved and walked away. I loved and sacrificed.  But the important part is I loved. And I'll keep on loving.

I'm learning what is best for me. Whew some of those lessons were painful. ... for me and for others. 

The real me. Christian. Saved by grace. Boots.  Blue jeans. Lace. Long hair. Short hair. Conversation hair.  A wee bit redneck, but able to move in and around doctors and lawyers and celebrities too. Domestically challenged. Creative too. A runner. A teacher. A friend. A mama. A daughter.  A sister. A lover.  A fighter. A survivor.  A partner. This list goes on and on.

I am battle scarred by life. I am in love with my life. I really wish everyone could see just how beautiful my life is today.

48 ..... and living and loving and waiting to see, just how much more beautiful this girl's life is gonna be. 

This is life.....

I am head over heels in love with her.
Have been since 2:42 pm on July 9, 1993.
She's pretty. 
She's funny.
She's smart. 
She eats. ... A LOT. 
She got here fast and has not slowed down since.
I've made a ton of decisions based on how I think it will affect her (and big sis too).
My heart sees joy because of her.
I LOVE HER.
Happy 20th birthday Abby.

slow moving train.......

a few scenes from the holiday.........

all of these made me happy.

Softball Princess and her Granddaddy --- birthday cakes side by side. hers says 20 - his 85. They both are healthy. They both love life. I think that is a worthy celebration moment.

A trek through the North Georgia Mountains --- getting to some places well before they open. Crocheting in the car. Meeting people and finding things. Like buttons and keys.

A dinner with friends. Great food. Great fellowship. Holding hands with loved ones as we publicly blessed our food.

Three adults - sitting in pre-school sized chairs - talking openly about things. Thank you Pastor and Patti for that beautiful time together.

Studio time --- nap time --- love time --- relaxing time. All wonderful.

Now about the keys - the picture of the keys. When Mama was pregnant with me, my daddy worked far away. She drove his Ford truck while he was gone, so I've been a FORD girl thru and thru all these years. In addition to the keys I bought to make mixed media jewelry, mom gave me a box of keys. I was sorting and looking and clearing and brainstorming when I happened upon a "ring of keys". Immediately, I remembered.....

My daddy pulling those keys out and opening things ---
My daddy having a heavy pocket and hearing the jingle as he walked ----
My daddy never looking for his keys in the morning because they were always together with his knife and pliers -----
My daddy --- and the feeling of closeness to him was amazing in that moment.

I fondled the keys. Looking at each one and remembering what they were for. The door keys to the house. The keys to the lock on the trailer hitch. Gate keys. Camper keys. Boat keys. OOOOOOOOH!!!! WHAT IS THIS - and THIS.

Call mama - describe the keys. Confirmed. Those ARE the keys to the truck.

There were mixed emotion tears. Yes there will be a jewelry piece made from these ----

YES - IT WILL BE MINE. ALWAYS A DADDY"S GIRL.


It's almost like my daddy knew I needed a confirmation from him that the path I am on is right. And there it was. Two tiny pieces of memory of him.

Oh - and hey Daddy -  I'm still a FORD girl - thru and thru.

why?

There comes a time when enough is enough. When the excuses just ring hollow. When the frustration at doing nothing 

outweighs the fear. Then you must take the leap. No more doubts, no more procrastination. 

It was/is time. 

That's all the explanation needed. 

It is time to fully recognize a beautiful life. 

TODAY

EVERY DAY.

 

new.....

She is my firstborn. 

First to do everything. 

The one who had to "teach" mama how to be a mama. 

The very essence of my heart. 

She has not given us any significant trouble. 

High school graduate - College Graduate - Now in Grad School.

A young married woman -- learning new every day. 

They started in her teeny tiny apartment.

Yesterday they moved -- bigger - not brand new, but clean and in a good neighborhood. 

Last night found me cleaning the fridge. 

Scrubbing out cabinets and getting ready for shelf paper. 

Looking for tooth brushes and bedding. 

She was all over - bone numbing tired. 

The mama in me wanted to "fix" it. 

The mama in me knew that I shouldn't even try. 

But after last night in her new home, she will go back to work today. 

And I will go after work tonight and see if mama can help any more with this project. 

They plan on staying here for a few years. I think we can take this basic shell and make it quite cute. 

At least there are no MOLD issues like that last place. 

And I'll heed my mama's practice. I'll simply do what I can and try to stay out of the rest. 

I'm proud of her though.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

Friday evening, my facebook status read "It's Friday night and I'm off to catch lightning bugs with some of my favorite people."

We had been invited by a young couple to join them at their house for a cookout and some lightnin' bug catching. 

There were 5 families represented. Ages from early 60's to sweet little bit above. 

The young couple who invited us knew that we knew the others, but we didn't tell any of them we would be there. All of them are among our favorite people - kids from our church and community - and their parents. There were several exclamations of sweet surprise as everyone arrived. 

This was informal - grilled hot dogs - chips right out of the bag - a simple pasta salad - cookies. Laughter - oh beautiful laughter - the men chatting about things like sports and hunting and fishing and gardening. All us girls talking about the house (stunning and comfortable) - thrifting - cooking - chasing children - parenting - church - loving - encouraging - crafts ---- you know the way women are. The kids were all over the house and yard --- 7 of them --- heard not one really cross word - only the stomping of Miss C. Note it was not "ugly" stomping, she had light up shoes and was stomping around to make them blink. SO MUCH FUN. 

Mrs T had tiny jelly jars for everyone to put the sweet lighting bugs in.

Mr J - he said she planned this under the pretense of the "kids", but she loves the magic of lightning bugs herself. 

I took the sparklers we had left from Miss Molly's wedding. 

Late in the evening, I found myself snuggling Baby Cane, as we all call him. He was tired and fighting sleep. I could hear the kids down by the pond, mommies traipsing around with them, Daddies gathered at the kitchen counter. Baby Cane was distracted - so I slipped out into the cooler darkness of the evening - gently rocking and softly singing Amazing Grace. Big blue eyes watched my face intently as he relaxed in my arms. 

There is absolutely NOTHING in the world I would rather have been doing at that moment. I was completely in the moment. Surrounded by beautiful natural sounds, occasionally broken by a voice or a delighted squeal as a child or an adult still tickled with the magic caught a bug, gently swaying and singing about God's great grace, I REALIZED THAT I AM REALLY HAPPY with myself and where I am right now. As Baby Cane softly slept in my arms, I found the pondering of my head to still and just BE - 

I realized that this life is what I chose and that, even with challenges, I am on the right path now. It's a really good place to be. 

On the way home, there was discussion about the night - about this kind of thing being what I want - about a welcoming home - expanding for friends to come - yet it being important for us to be comfortable too. 

Honestly -- Friday night went a long way toward giving me the encouragement that everything is going to be ok. And once again reinforced my resolve to keep my life headed the right direction.

Thank you Mr J and Mrs T ---- your home is beautiful, your family is beautiful, your love is beautiful, your witness is beautiful. 

MY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL TO ME TOO.