shore time thoughts

Miles of sand and shells.

The sound of the waves against the shore. 

Sun on my face.

Adding to the freckles sprinkled across my nose.

Shoes in hand.

Bare feet on the sand.

Toes touch water.

It was impromptu.

A detour to the beach. 

I breathe fresh air

I feel warmth on my skin

I let that solitary tear roll down my cheek

Not alone - just lonely.

Seems the common theme in my life for so long. 

My name is Mama

I am so proud of my girls. 

They are grown up now.

Embarking on the next grand adventures of their life

Leaving a huge empty space in mine.

There is sadness in that empty silent space.

Robin Williams quote embodies how this feels. 

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not.

The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

Then on the way to the car 

I find something I have looked for for so many years.

A decent sized shark tooth. 

This one about the size of a dime. 

Reminding me that I am strong.

We got this.

God's got this.

and even in the midst of some serious challenges,

there is peace in the knowing. 

Life is so beautiful.

I give thanks for the blessings. 

Please join me and give thanks for yours. 

Life is beautiful.

I say it often.

Sometimes, like I'm trying to convince myself.

But really life is quite beautiful.

and this spring - I have noticed so much of that beauty.

Native azaela's in unusual colorations

The back of the vine covered barn in the sun after the storm.

Just look at that golden light.

Storm clouds loom and I feel like I am being hammered at times lately.

but look - the sun remains.

I love that I caught this picture of the storm front. 

I've been a little out of whack --- but I'll be back to my old self soon. 

this guy

waiting for the doctor to come in --- he says "quick, lets change places"

I laugh - and remember.

pictures being taken for comparison images from last week - I say "I bet you always wanted to take these kinds of pictures - didn't you"

the tech laughs - and I say "I woke up one morning and just had to sell toilets"

He laughs - and remembers.

Doc says - are you allergic to anything

He says "work"

I say "redheads"

Doc laughs and then says "then one of you is in trouble"

We laugh - and remember.

we both are cancer survivors.

We both have spent hours at a time in doctor's offices - ALONE - with only the medical staff in and out of the room.

Today - it did not matter which one of us it was on the exam table.

There was no ALONE.

and when that statement was made - we both remembered.

THERE IS NO LONGER ALONE.

Lots of tidbits and love.

Last week saw me celebrate 5 years. 

I am a survivor. 

And I have put words to something. 

One of those things that I have not found the words to until now. 

(stay tuned, I will share at the end) 

My little girl

Softball Princess

Abby

Graduates from college in May. 

She is looking at graduate school

in NEW JERSEY. 

I cry some every single day. This fact along with some other things I (we) are dealing with have me a stressed out, emotional mess. 

But I am fighting for peace and balance and I NEVER forget to count blessings. 

Her Daddy and I are road tripping with the team and this weekend found us in Greensboro, NC and Danville, VA. 

The above picture is of the windows of the Dan River White Mill. 

I can foresee an art work of some sort based on these colors and patterns in the future.

Can you say "fell in love" 

This is the old Dan River Mill Hydroelectric Building.

I spotted it as we entered on Saturday Night.

Sunday Morning found me traipsing down the side of Hwy 29 taking pictures and enjoying a beautiful morning. 

I met the weekend caretaker, who is supposed to stop photography. It is still a working power plant and therefore falls under terrorism threat protection. He decided I wasn't a terrorist and ended up giving me a great history lesson. 

Our jaunt about the area led us to this site. It is an old pedestrian bridge. At one time it linked the Mill with all those amazing windows and another mill on the opposite side of the river. I wanted a closer look. 

Remember, I have already encroached on a protected site this morning.

I found a gap in that chain link fence - and went trespassing. 

The Man (her Daddy) was not at all about this, but I took the camera, went through the fence, and off I went for a nice little stroll down the river. 

This was my reward. A fantastic shot of the bridge and the mill in the background. I would have explored inside the bridge, but it was too high on the pilings and the ends are closed off. 

I can see making that mill and the bridge into wonderful loft spaces. 

Imagine waking to that wonderful river view every day. 

Keep in mind I am strolling along a trail/gravel/paved path along the river. 

There were these guys joining me. (Eastern River Cooter - I think) 

It was a beautiful morning. 

Clear skies.

Temp in the upper 60's

Low humidity. 

Lots to be thankful for.

Quiet beauty that leaves you room to think.

And I found myself in the "ponder pose" mode. 

What do I want?

What to tell my girls - that I haven't shared already?

What did having cancer teach me? 

Really - very important things - of which my responses could make a difference to me and others.

More turtles and a really pretty babysitting bird. 

So much wildlife in the habitat. 

I walked over a mile down that riverside - then back. 

While The Man waited close to the car. 

As I returned to the gap in the fence, I saw the hillside from a different angle.

Violets covered it - fully in bloom. I had not even noticed these on the way down the hill. 

Stunning what a change in perspective can give you . 

Like realizing that CANCER could have killed you and it didn't and that even the tiniest of details is worth a celebration.

Now a few pictures of the reason we found ourselves in the area. 

The Princess - game face on - focused on the game. 

It's a hit.

Look at those eyes.

I love this girl so freaking much.

When did she become this young adult? 

When did the need for her Mom diminish?

How do I handle this next phase of life?

Pondering?

Still pondering?

And this picture.

Reflecting the amazing, beautiful, successful young woman that she is.

She loves God.

She loves family, friends, herself.

She loves life. 

I love her. 

**********************************************

Now for the answer to the the elusive thing that has been haunting me. 

Causing me to count the circles on the ceiling at times.

The why. The thing that changed things. The what I was looking for. THE what I want my girls to understand. 

The person who will love you, treat you beautifully, cherish you fully, work alongside you to accomplish dreams and goals, help parent your children, grow within the relationship, plan and prepare adequately for you and your children in the future,  and all those other things we have talked about. Well I added the next elusive thing to that list. 

That person needs to publicly and privately beautifully love you, appreciate you, include you,  and

NOT GIVE ONE DAMN WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

family dinners

bring you flowers (old jars, buttons, lace) 

include you among friends

be a part of what you enjoy

allow you to be a part of what they enjoy

crawl into that hospital bed and hold you

treat people well

stand up for you

listen and try to fill your needs

realize that your physical needs are important, but are not the only thing there is

teach you

learn from you

because loving someone means being a part of everything you are

and girls ----- you simply MUST do the same thing for them. 

Bought lessons on my part.

And when I was exploring that river trail - alone.

In my heart I knew who should (would) be there.