Still Choosing Love ----

A little over six years ago today, I got a nine line text message on my phone.

I remember so much about this because I was on my way to a small country church. 

It was the same day we buried Irvin Moore,  my Aunt's Brother.

It was also one of the most difficult messages I have ever received. 

My oldest daughter.

Methodist raised, baptised in middle school.

Was choosing to become a member of

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

and she delivered the news by text message. 

I was devastated. 

I cried for two freaking weeks. 

I know - it could have been much more devastating news. 

I cried. 

I held one massive pity party. 

I questioned my parenting (what did I do wrong?)

I prayed.

I talked to her boyfriend's mom (he was Mormon) 

I went to the scripture. 

I talked to my friend Raesha (oh thank you big time for her) (she is Mormon)

I went to the scripture.

I was repeated reminded by that same scripture that God is in control. 

And every day, I chose love. 

Her Dad and I went to her Baptism.

Little sister did not. 

She did not agree with the decision either, and I was not about to MAKE her go.

We did not stay for the party afterwards.

I saw no reason to celebrate.

I was only choosing to love.

It's been six years.

The photo above is from her "RING CEREMONY" 

A gathering to allow her family and friends to be a part of her wedding day. 

To this day, I refer to it as the fake wedding.

I did not get to witness the actual wedding, because I am not Mormon and therefore not allowed in the temple. 

There will be children.

They will be presented (or whatever the faith calls it) in the temple.

I will not be there. I am not Mormon and therefore not allowed in the temple. 

These details hurt.

I will not pretend that they do not. 

But I also know that her decisions could have been much worse. 

And God is in control. 

She is now married. 

A Chemistry Grad Student at UGA

Active in her congregation.

Working.

Saving.

Mommy to two pups.

And still one of the greatest loves of my life. 

I chose love.

Over and over and over and over. 

Because she is my child.

I did not have to understand her decision

I did not have to agree with her decision

I do have to respect her decision. 

And by choosing to LOVE through the transition of that change, 

we set a pattern of choosing love in lots of situations.

And she is still a very active part of my life. 

I could have taken other paths through it.

But I might have lost her being a large everyday part of my life

And that would have been a real tragedy. 

Molly, I Love You. 

I always will. 

Be gentle ----

They sat at my desk. Making selections for their new home.

Scaling down their lifestyle.

Kids grown and gone.

Little did I know what a profound statement that one was.

I try to get to know my customers and the man mentioned that he is a Gideon and is active in prison ministry. This allowed me to talk openly about my faith and my church.

I just didn't know how moving that was about to become.

He asked where I go to church.
"Jones Chapel" was my answer.
She burst into tears.
Uncomfortable much ---- yes.
He went on to explain that their son was killed in an accident at the church intersection.
I apologized profusely.
She answered softly
"no, sometimes I need to talk about him"
I had a decision to make

"Go on, tell me about him"

She smiled and proceeded to tell me things.
Her husband too.

We interjected a plumbing related decision along.

She smiled.
She shed tears.
I shed tears.

We spoke of love.
Of loss
Of recovery.
Of going on.
Of not being ready to let go.
Even though others wanted to force that on her.
Her husband reassuring her that when she was ready, he would be there.

See this accident happened a long long time ago.
A young child who would now be in his late 20's.

My soft answer to her question
"do you think I'm crazy to hold on this long?"

No, there is no right or wrong in grief.
Each person has to do this their own way.

See, being gentle was the kindest way to be in this moment.

And in the gentleness
A glimmer of beauty passed between the two of us

She looked and softly said
"Sometimes you look for things and find a friend along the way."
The next thing was the amazing part
they are building a new home and she will be pushed to let go simply because
they are selling the home they are in now.

She had no idea, that I collect sunsets, and sun rises.
Her comment was that her son loved the sunset and that is the thing she will
miss most about the house.

I shared some of my photos

And then she hugged me and said
"I think I can unpack a drawer today."

My response

"everytime I turn into the church parking lot, I will lift you in my prayer."

In the split second of making the decision to listen and be gentle, I felt God move among us.
It was hard to be a part of the moment.
Awkward for all of us.
And yet the peace and healing that happened
Was major.
I allowed my heart to open as did my new friend.
And being witness to God's working.
Well who could not be moved by that.

Be gentle people
Be kind
Be aware
simply BE.

(thank you John and June Bellew for sharing a bit of your son with me. I am blessed with your trust.)

why????

So I bought this little cabinet.

Sure - I had great ideas for using it in the studio for storage.

Standing in the thrift store.

It was full of promise and potential.

So you know what I did with it, don't you?

Why hell yes, I brought it home and chunked it in the pile of other stuff I had bought with good intentions. 

(Now I am cleaning and purging my life of things that hold me back) 

Making peace with what I have, what I use, and what I really want around me. 

It has been a grueling battle. 

I have moved out, tossed, sold, kept, packed up, finished etc. for months.

Emotionally charged --- you have NO IDEA. 

Whew - looking at the 30 magazines I tossed this weekend - I had such a terrible time with feeling like I had wasted money on them. (damned near 100.00 in that pile) But they had been sitting in the floor for months in the way.

Because I really need more organizing tools.

NOW HEAR THIS

YOU DO NOT NEED BETTER ORGANIZATION

YOU NEED LESS STUFF!!!!!!

YES - LESS STUFF. 

(I've been emptying my head of this for months)

See here

and here

I've been emptying my life of THINGS for months too. 

So in the cleaning of a corner, I rediscover the little cabinet.

Now who the hell needs a Santa cabinet? 

Back to the potential.

Remember, I have had this cabinet for a LONG LONG LONG time. 

In that pile that never filled the emptiness.

But I opened it - cute little shelves

And it still had all that potential.

So I did what a non-procrastinator would do.

I decided to capitalize on that potential.

I grabbed the stack of FAVORITE papers from the stash.

You know - the ones you are saving for the PERFECT project.

(I'm dealing with that emotional baggage too.)

And I picked one for the PERFECT PROJECT FOR THE PERFECT PERSON

ME!!!

One sheet of scrapbook paper.

One can of spray adhesive.

My paper cutter

Ruler

Cabinet

Less than 15 minutes (including a decision on which paper) 

And I had a PERFECT PROJECT

with a FAVORITE PAPER

ALL COMPLETE. 

15 MINUTES

15

Can someone please explain why the hell I didn't just do this when I bought the damned thing? 

It took 15 minutes and it feels wonderful to finish it. 

And now SOMEWHERE in the damned stash there are come containers that fit these shelves perfectly and I'll be stacking pretty little clear containers of sequins, confetti, and beads soon. 

CHOICES

CHANGES

HERE WE ARE.