mE

yES IT's aLL mIxEd uP -----

tHAT's bECAuse i aM.

so IN tHe nAMe Of SCRewINg mY hEad bACK on  -----

LET'S just SAY outloud.


Who I am in the core of my being will win.

It may be hard for me. And it may be hard for those around me. But in the end, it will be better for everyone.

Here are the things I KNOW FOR SURE.

I love to make things.

I love my MAMA

I love my GIRLS

I have been fortunate to have had TWO LONG TIME BEST FRIENDS.

I am sorry that I have hurt people. Some by accident and some by choices I made.

I am very proud of who my girls are .

I am good at my job.

I love little people.

I AM THOUGHTFUL - I AM CARING - I AM STRUGGLING .

I made decisions some times that simply made me feel good at the time.

Guess what --- I'll probably do that again.

I had unrealistic expectations (still do at times)

I have some very real ones too.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. What that means is still being discovered.

I will continue to try to define me. Every single day.

 part is paying attention to details --- the things that make my heart sing. And surrounding myself with people who try to sing along or add to the melody with their wonderful harmony.

I don't expect them to fully share my passions and pursuits, just to remember that I have them and then figure out a way to include themselves actively in them. I'll do the same with theirs.

What I want.....

I want people at my house --- to visit -- to play --- to support or be supported. I want people around who see that growing your circle through changing times is better than allowing it to slowly diminish.

I want to wade in the creek. Traipse through the woods. Catch butterflies. And fireflies. To laugh at the stupid stuff that happens. I want cookouts and children laughing and adults watching and sharing.

I want to play Billy Goats Gruff with kids trip-trapping over a table turned into an imaginary bridge.

I want to have people around who, when hearing "I really need to get all that stuff down and wash it", simply get a ladder and start taking it to the sink. By jumping in there - they keep me from procrastinating. My mama is one of those. But then she is ALL ABOUT SOME PLAYTIME too.

I set about this year with my word being "DO"

I have successfully DONE lots of things. And there will be more.

I'm finding my groove. I'm finding me.  And ME -- is thoughtful -- is not frozen any longer -- seems my soul may have known that some things had to change --- and that same soul knew what it wasn't ready to change.

Moving forward --- not ready to give up.