holes

today I am sad

a deputy (the child of a friend) killed in the line of duty

leaving a family to find a way with a hole in their hearts

I know about holes

I know about TRYING to fill them in the wrong ways

I know about WHO really can fill them - heal them. 

I am sad

looking for beauty in the wake of tragedy

hard on these kinds of days

I really could have used an uplifting when I told The Man at My Address

I got a grunt

things will never change

I am sad

it would be easy to place blame

i am sad

i've made mistakes too

i am sad

so - i will take the brunt of the blame

i will live with the scars

i will live with the holes

i will live with the reflection of the holes i created

and the ones i am about to create

i am sad

but i am looking for beauty

and i have learned to look for it alone

i will find it too. 

I am sad and I am sorry I make you sad.