one word --- recap and new word.

A praying hawk.

About the photo. I've been collecting cell phone sunrises and sunsets for a long time now. I also LOVE hawks. The day we lost Andrew, the sunset was glorious, but I didn't have any desire to take that picture. Blessings were hard to see at that moment. That evening I got a facebook message from my Aunt Becky, inquiring about my well-being and telling me how much she enjoyed the sunrises and sunsets that I posted. (I've not heard from Becky in many years - coincidence - I don't think so) Others thanked me that night for my photos and my general positive outlook and spoke of me being inspiring to them. Then a Christmas card from a longtime friend spoke of them as well.  In conversation with my Partner in Crime (aka Crusty Old Guy who also loved Andrew), I was sharing these events and said - maybe I need to seriously collect sunrise sunset photos. So as we were leaving the funeral home to go the graveside, he presented me with a new camera and said "this should make the collecting easier." That hawk photo above was taken from well over 100 yards across a field. I'm not sure where I'll be going with this collecting, but I sure do love the camera. I took some of my Christmas money and added a tripod to the mix. Look for many more "moments" being recorded. 

I chose the word INTENTION for 2014

I needed an action inducing word, but one that required thought and not just reacting to the events around me.

I got exactly what I asked for. 

Much change occurred in 2014.

Some good.

Some .... well you know how that works. 

I've cleaned parts of my house with INTENTION and so much stuff is gone.

I've been much more INTENTIONAL about decisions in my life and that is a very good thing. 

I've made financial decisions with INTENTION.

Health decisions.

Relationship decisions. 

It's been a good year for me. 

2015 is almost here.

I've a plan to collect some things.

I've a plan to create some things.

I've a plan to move forward with some things. 

And in studying and pondering and wandering and worrying

I have chosen the word that keeps haunting me. 

For 2015 I will

SEEK

I will SEEK 

better health

better living

more beauty

ways to accomplish goals

better relationships

more grace

more strength

growth

I will seek purpose

joy

time

kindness / and ways to be kind

Opportunity to be generous

wisdom

SO many things to SEEK

And I'm betting by the end of 2015 - all this seeking might just lead me to finding out more about myself

Go ahead - pick a word for yourself. 

and

since you are here

enjoy the sunrise

Merry Christmas

I am vulnerable right now.

My attitude about Christmas as the celebration of excess is negative. 

Gimme stuff, shopping for stuff, gifting of stuff

decorate the tree, wrap the stuff, sit together under that tree and open the stuff

throw away the packaging and wrapping of the stuff

watch as the stuff gets tucked in a drawer - ignored

watch as the stuff gets - set on a shelf  - to collect dust. 

Stuff. 

Last week we lost a loved one. 

Friday we paid our respects to one of the most gracious families I know. 

Saturday, we said goodbye to that loved one. 

Sunday morning found me standing at his grave.

Coming to terms with how this has affected me. 

Then later singing the praises of the newborn King to an audience

that included the Strickland family. 

I cannot begin to describe how it felt to turn around and see them. 

But these words come to mind

Beauty

Sadness

Peace

Struggle

Love

Commitment

Fear

Uncertainty

Faith

Full

Grace

Then the program

and a little Angel kneeling over a doll in a handmade manger

Symbolizing that even the Angels worshipped the new King. 

A teenager playing Mary

who really had no desire to portray that character

(but much like the real Mary made the choice to do this for Jesus)

A man who fought back through addiction portraying Joseph

(a man that I love very much who gave he and his dad a chance at relationship)

(and much like Joseph had no idea what his family was going to look like) 

A merry stage of misfits choosing to sing the good news

(I am one of those misfits - and I am blessed to be a child of the King) 

A room full of observers.

Some full of beauty and grace.

Some wandering in darkness and confusion

Some even cynical at this time

Here's where I am this Christmas

Broken

Blessed

Fearful

Trying

Going through the motions

Wishing things were different

Wondering what happens next

Trying to move forward in life

Battered

Bruised

Sad

Happy

Wanting for something more meaningful

Searching for something

Not knowing what that something might be. 

And as I write this, I realize that those characters

in the reality of the Christ Child's Birth

so many years ago.

They were just like I am today.

Uncertain of the significance

of the future

of the plan

But knowing that life is miraculous

and that the Christ Child is come. 

We all need the Saviour

He's here.

Listen.

Respond. 

GRACE

LET'S ALL GIVE THAT TO ONE ANOTHER.

Gone - but not forgotten

The blessings were hard to find at that moment. 

Slowly we are finding them again.

These are our kids.

Jones Chapel's kids.

That's ANDREW STRICKLAND in the white t-shirt and sunglasses. 

He had a ready smile.

A kindness about him

An appreciation for life that one gets when you fight illness from childhood. 

He was sick.

Then a miracle. A liver was available. The transplant was happening

and he was soon recovering and looking forward to being home for Christmas.

Yesterday - emails - texts

An infection.

ICU

Fear.

and last night his precious family and all of us who love him

had to tell Andrew goodbye. 

The blessings were hard at that moment and the moments that follow

But slowly God sends reassurance that we are in HIS care.

Maybe the reassurance is immediate

Only our ability to see it is slow.

We want to know why.

We want our small view of the situation to be clear.

We want to make sense of losing a 17 year old

One of the really good kids in the world. 

I found my reassurance in words that Andrew posted on his Instagram account

We all have days where 

we feel we can't survive. 

Sometimes dreams are shattered

Friendships may fall apart

Loved ones may hurt us

Finances may worry us

Sickness may overtake us

We may even lose people we love

But God will ALWAYS be there to guide us through

even the toughest of times.

Never lose FAITH

Hold onto HOPE

TRUST IN GOD ALWAYS

Even in losing Andrew

he left us better people for having known him

Rest in Peace

Andrew Strickland

12-17-2014

You made a difference in my life

You are loved.

EDITED- Thursday afternoon. I can see that this link is being shared. Thank you all for that. If you have come here from a link on Facebook, please leave a few words in the comments section for the family. If you are a regular reader here and would like to leave messages as well. I will print these and get them to Andrew's precious family. I so appreciate the prayers and good wishes expressed for the family and I know they will appreciate them as well. 

Make sure your loved ones know how much they mean to you.
In Michelle's words --- "it all happened so fast." and "in the blink of an eye our world was turned upside down"

And so it is Christmas....

Jones Chapel UMC Family Life Center

it felt like old times last night

early on there was a buzz of activity

the moving of tables and chairs

bringing the poinsettias from the church sanctuary

laughter as a team worked together to get ready for a series of Christmas gatherings in this building

the building - a dream of Buddy Coile from MANY MANY years ago.

he started a small savings budget for this building and the quiet dream grew and grew

now we gather here to worship and celebrate many moments.

I was a part of the team getting this ready

have been for many years

and just like so many times

Last night I found myself finishing up a detail or two in this building alone

and suddenly it becomes Christmas for me

it has happened like this so many times

in the quiet

hustle and bustle of the workers now finished

doors locked

me padding around in sock feet - tying this bow, turning a flower to face correctly

sweeping the floor

wiping off a table

preparing to celebrate the BABY

and every single time

i feel the emotion

a young pregnant girl

a man not sure what to do

both not knowing how to proceed

both hearing and leaning on the angel's delivered words

TRUSTING

that GOD has this all planned

an innkeeper - no room - but offering what he has

a stable - animals - but fresh straw

think about that

a barn - animals moving

the scents of farm life

and fresh straw

not exactly a royal place is it

a Babe

born in the night

wrapped in swaddling cloths

laying in the feed tray

Wise Men

they studied the writings

studied the skies

noticed the new star

knew that was a sign

left to seek what the sign must be

hoping that it was fulfilling the promise of HOPE proclaimed

and shepherds

watching the sheep in the field 

a fire amid them

maybe food being served

not prepared at all for a sudden appearance 

of ANGELS

then simply leaving those fields and immediately coming to see the infant

and then telling EVERYONE they encountered 

about their ANGEL encounter

and about the BABE

that's where I found myself 

where I find myself every single year

in the still

the quiet

the post decor frenzy

sitting

recalling the story

waiting 

waiting for the CHRIST CHILD

and wondering what my role will be in the story

Last night a single tear

dropped onto the sheet of the manger

was it joy

or sadness

or some of both

and some of so much more

I do know for sure

I prayed for much

and many

I prayed thanksgiving

and grace

and strength

and hope

I prayed again that all can see

the gift of the Christ Child was meant for you and me. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS