Here I go again

In early September, I had my yearly wellness visit. 

I've been struggling with some issues and I brought that up. 

The issues seem so insignificant.

But since I am so aware of how my body feels everyday, I knew something was up. 

I have the most amazing medical team and sweet Sarah added some additional labs to the work up.

A Rheumatology Panel, an extra Endocrine panel. 

Both came back with some concerning numbers. 

The inflammation numbers were high, but for now, this is discounted because as a singular kidney patient I cannot that anti-inflammatory meds and the endocrine results show that I could have some issues that cause those. 

So deeper investigation on the endocrine side - aka more tests. 

Well tumor markers were high. 

Hmm. 

Thyroid numbers at all levels were off. 

So off to the imaging labs, I trekked. 

We have discovered a little issue.

Hello everyone. Meet NORMAN. He's a thyroid nodule, we suspect that he is my troublemaker. 

This discovery has me scheduled for a biopsy later this month with an Endocrine Specialist. 

Thus the reason for this title.

HERE I GO AGAIN. 

Spending money on medical stuff. 

Searching for answers. 

This is a path all too familiar for me. 

And yet, I do not feel anxious. 

Wait - what? - did I just type that? 

Yes, I do not feel terribly anxious.

Frustrated? - yes

Had a minor pity party? - yup, it lasted all of about 3 minutes. 

Anger? - that's my most common expected response - but it's more about the inconvenience.

But I have not even thought - Why me? 

BLESSED? - so very much. This is my reality. 

Prayers surround me - I feel them - blessed.

The day I got the results of the scan, a phone call to my partner in crime brought the phrase "need me to pack up and come on?"  - blessed

Family, girlfriends, buddies, customers, co-workers supporting me?  - full on - blessed

Fantastic medical team? - blessed

Job that will not have an issue with dealing with whatever this is? - blessed

Faith that no matter what this is, I will be okay? - blessed

Being blessed and grateful for that gives me a relief from anxiety, and I can genuinely say, I am okay. 

so for right now here is where I am ---- I have a nodule in my thyroid - it may be cancer - we will find out - I am blessed beyond measure to have a fabulous support network. 

We will simply do the next right thing. 

I refuse to jump way ahead in this process. 

Mostly, I just want to feel better. 

Life is crazy beautiful. 

Yes all photos are mine --- that scan photo is mine (I paid for the danged thing so I'm claiming it. )

yes - they do go together

These pictures seemingly have not one thing to do with one another. 

But oh how they tie together. 

See these pictures represent blessings I have counted and blessings I will continue to count. 

Hang on - let's just chat about gratitude. 

I have been counting for a long time now. 

It's important to me to record the gratitudes. 

I should be important to everyone. 

Here's the research numbers

People who record gratitude  can expect these kinds of things 

1. Have a relative absence of stress and depression. (Woods et al., 2008)

2. Make progress towards important personal goals (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)

3. Report higher levels of determination and energy (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)

4. Feel closer in their relationships and desire to build stronger relationships (Algoe and Haidt, 2009)

5. Increase your happiness by 25% — (Who wouldn’t want a quarter more happiness!) (McCullough et al., 2002)

And because there is NO right way to record them I'm sharing mine.

I have a hand covered journal that was from a friend. I simply list at least three every day. I date mine but that's just me. 

The photo above reflects these three

1. Jeff (black and white shirt) and Michelle were at the cantata even though they buried a child the day before.

2. I sing and I have friends who sing and we have a great time even though getting ready for this kind of performance is hard work.

3. My Jones Chapel family loves and supports me even when I am broken and battered. 

The picture above -

1. Joseph (Chancey Rich) is a part of this performance. Because Mama T asked him and he said yes. More important he is among us and in his daddy's life because everyone is trying so hard to make a family. He also fought hard for sobriety and a stable mental health picture and is winning this battle. 

2. Mary  - (Anna Hancock) - jumped in and portrayed Mary when the original cast member found herself quarantined to her home. Welcome to protecting the community from a virus. 

3. Our Angel (Vanessa Faucett) such a sweet kid with a major family support group. A family who stepped in and loves her so much even when the structure doesn't look like a typical family does. 

When we are grateful for the tiniest of things, we seemingly have endless reasons to be even more grateful.

Thursday January 15

1. The foggy air froze onto the trees and bushes. leaving everything frosted and serene. Not like a frost, but more fairytale than that.

2. He understands and builds in time to stop for pictures.

3. This new camera is "da bomb"

This morning's sun appearance.

Really not one of the most spectacular of sunrises.

Just a slowly increasing glow. 

1. Upon going out to start the car, I look up and I see STARS, after days and days of rain.

2. I had a sun picture to post today. thank you Lord for rain and sun. 

3. I get to breathe and put my feet on the floor today. I promised while I was in the hospital (apr 2010)  that I would be grateful for every day - and as of now I have been.

Sure - life is real - and some days are HARD. 

Some days break us.

Beat us up.

Batter us. 

Then some days nourish us. 

But even in the most difficult, we can find blessings to be grateful for. We just may have to look harder. 

try it - count you blessings.

FIND LIFE

FIND BEAUTY

FIND GRACE

CLAIM IT FOR YOURSELF

LIFE IS BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL

Merry Christmas

I am vulnerable right now.

My attitude about Christmas as the celebration of excess is negative. 

Gimme stuff, shopping for stuff, gifting of stuff

decorate the tree, wrap the stuff, sit together under that tree and open the stuff

throw away the packaging and wrapping of the stuff

watch as the stuff gets tucked in a drawer - ignored

watch as the stuff gets - set on a shelf  - to collect dust. 

Stuff. 

Last week we lost a loved one. 

Friday we paid our respects to one of the most gracious families I know. 

Saturday, we said goodbye to that loved one. 

Sunday morning found me standing at his grave.

Coming to terms with how this has affected me. 

Then later singing the praises of the newborn King to an audience

that included the Strickland family. 

I cannot begin to describe how it felt to turn around and see them. 

But these words come to mind

Beauty

Sadness

Peace

Struggle

Love

Commitment

Fear

Uncertainty

Faith

Full

Grace

Then the program

and a little Angel kneeling over a doll in a handmade manger

Symbolizing that even the Angels worshipped the new King. 

A teenager playing Mary

who really had no desire to portray that character

(but much like the real Mary made the choice to do this for Jesus)

A man who fought back through addiction portraying Joseph

(a man that I love very much who gave he and his dad a chance at relationship)

(and much like Joseph had no idea what his family was going to look like) 

A merry stage of misfits choosing to sing the good news

(I am one of those misfits - and I am blessed to be a child of the King) 

A room full of observers.

Some full of beauty and grace.

Some wandering in darkness and confusion

Some even cynical at this time

Here's where I am this Christmas

Broken

Blessed

Fearful

Trying

Going through the motions

Wishing things were different

Wondering what happens next

Trying to move forward in life

Battered

Bruised

Sad

Happy

Wanting for something more meaningful

Searching for something

Not knowing what that something might be. 

And as I write this, I realize that those characters

in the reality of the Christ Child's Birth

so many years ago.

They were just like I am today.

Uncertain of the significance

of the future

of the plan

But knowing that life is miraculous

and that the Christ Child is come. 

We all need the Saviour

He's here.

Listen.

Respond. 

GRACE

LET'S ALL GIVE THAT TO ONE ANOTHER.

Grateful Hope Round 2

See the first post HERE

The details were important to me. 

A LARGE part of my heart was literally poured out for months as I prepped and prayed. 

My instagram feed was peppered with snippets. 

But I surely did not want to spoil all the surprises. 

A location was selected. 

A family owned building.

Rural - comfortable - affordable

Perfect.

I prepared muffins and provided coffee and bottled water.

I cooked chili for supper. 

Everyone "pot-lucked" the remaining food for the day. 

(we are all good cooks too) 

The DVD sessions. 

What can I say? 

I was bare souled myself. 

The others were too. 

There were beautiful tears.

Laughter. 

As we began counting blessings. 

And took notes. 

And each person took away their special moments. 

I left the day - raw - bare - open.

Full to overflowing the blessings rained down. 

Thank you Patti - LeighAnn - Tonya - Tanya - Elaine - Lynn - Linda - Jean

You have no idea how special you all are to me. 

I would love to do this thing again. 

Maybe next fall -----

Now more Snippets. 

Craft time - God created the heavens and the earth. He recognizes that we all need beauty. So I planned a little creative time. 

We made pretty little light catchers. 

I kitted up the materials months ahead. 

Turns out, I could have dumped a trough full on the table, because we dumped the bags out and everyone pawed through them any way. 

So much fun. 

Above is Tanya -Patti - and LeighAnn. 

Oh there was laughter. 

Tears rolling down our legs laughter. 

That's Jean (Jean Irene)

She is craft challenged.

She needed to go - another commitment later in the day. 

She chose to stay and her light catcher was beautiful. 

I'm wondering where she has it hanging? 

Miss Linda and Jean - such serious concentration. 

I used some wooden shapes I found somewhere (hoarder much) and covered them with GlobeCraft and Piccolo Embossing Powder Mixes.  These powders are mixed in colors and in particle sizes - wonderful to work with. 

Whew Tanya is really concentrating here. 

Thank you Miss Linda for the cheese and fruit tray. 

Yummy

This is from my Instagram feed. 

bead mixes for this craft. 

Another shot from the bead mixes.

That's Margo, she helped me ( WAAYYYYY back in cold weather) put the first of the bead mix items together. 

This picture is added just so people will know that I am quite capable of operating an iron. Vintage handkerchiefs served as napkins. Just because I loved the idea. And because many of them came from my grandmother's stash (hoarding is genetic) 

Studio work. 

I discovered that working outdoors was wonderful when I was putting together things for my daughters wedding. 

This studio space is under the pecan trees and the table was made for me by my UncleTommy. Made from an old door we tore out of the house.

I will most likely ALWAYS have an outdoor studio space for those great weather days.

Beaded strings.

These were actually used on my Spring nest creation. 

I found a great price on the books for each participant at Christian Books. 

Now for the last of the glimpses.

The tables. Covered in tattered and frayed cloths (because aren't we all a bit tattered and frayed) 

I did not make this nest. Vicki Boster makes and sells beautiful ones. The link for her can be found in the post referenced at the top of this post. 

That cow in the sunrise --- may be my favorite sunrise picture ever. It's just a fun image. it is not a photo shop image - it's pretty much right off my phone - she just stood there with the sun behind her. 

 My Ocean inspired nest table. Honestly - sometimes the table decor does not work out like you thought - These turned out wonderfully. 

My softly toned Spring inspired nest. 

I am also working on a fall one as well. 

each candle has a different song featured. 

Letting everyone choose their own items from the tables was fun too. 

This may be my favorite image of the entire day. 

Open hands.

Open hearts. 

Open for receiving.

Open for giving.

Simply open.

Life is Beautiful. 

I am blessed. 

Grateful Hope ----I am at a complete loss for words.

I'll be breaking this into several posts - full of photos- and tiny commentary -  with the photos. 

Quick run down.

I had cancer. 

I almost died. 

I got a second chance.

I read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp 

I immediately knew I wanted to share this.

Lots has changed in my life.

This day became MY GIFT to a few ladies who are very special to me. 

And on Saturday October 4th - I gathered my friends and we studied and shared and celebrated.

I have no words for how beautiful this day was.

Invite God into your world.

Answer a call.

Prepare the best you can.

Then leave the rest to Him. 

Life will be proven FULL OF BLESSING. 

Now for the pretty pictures.

This is a bit scattered and there will be more pictures tomorrow.

I snapped this at the beach, the day I finished the Stitchie bits for each of the journals. 

There were symbolic gifts. For each section. Many of these were handcrafted with much prayer as i worked. 

Clothespins covered with decorative paper. 

symbolic of looking a things in a different perspective

These can be used for so much more than hanging clothes. 

Tiny crochet granny squares on tea towels.

Symbolic of Jesus service to the disciples after the Last Supper as he washed their feet. 

The book has a beautiful nest image on the front cover. I crocheted and embellished nests for the table decor. 

(I purchased one nest from VICKI - the ones she makes and sells are simply amazing.

Mine were much more simple. 

There were MILES of yarn and ribbon cut and knotted. 

I poked through my stash over and over. So much joy to share my precious bits and baubles with my friends. 

( the little wired bling came from a corsage that I've had in the laundry room window literally for years.)

There was lace dyed and beads sewn - This is to simulate the ocean waves. 

I created my own patterns for a lot of the items - I called this my SAND DOLLAR

A tiny shorebird perched on the rim of the OCEAN NEST. 

I woodburned slabs with beautiful words. These are natural elements because many blessings are found in nature.

oops - this got out of order - a colorful stack of granny squares for the towels. 

Candles - embellished with stamps - vintage music - lace  - and flowers.

God is our light - we sing praises. 

I shared the Joy Dare with my friends as we finished the day. 

 (you can download your own copy HERE.)

I spent the Friday before the event decorating and praying within the space. That is (VICKI's nest in the photo above.

I sent this image out to remind people about the event. 

Even the coffee stirrers got a little detail treatment. 

What can I say - I wanted everyone to feel special.

I printed and framed sunrises and sunsets. 

A new day begins.

This day is ending.

Life is beautiful. 

Slow down and record the gifts.

Journals covered and embellished. 

I prepared for 15. These lovely eight shared my day. 

Rainbow treasures effect was a happy accident on my phone camera, but these ladies are treasures to me. 

More in the next few days. 

downtime -----

vacation

beach time

salt, sand, surf

naps

FOOD

sunrises

sunsets

beauty

rest

relax

create

laugh

ride

look

see

yes - it was a great week. 

Now for some outtakes (fun stories)

********************************************************

I set the alarm for 5AM every single day. Got up. push the button one the coffeepot. Go back to bed and wait for it to be ready. It was the principle of being able to say I pushed the button every morning. 

(laugh) 

Ran across this yard art place. That is one BIG chicken. There was also a 795.00 price tag attached to that bird.  Actually there were large price tags on most of this yard art and I have not quite figured out how to transport or display a life sized giraffe figurine. 

I watched the morning star fade - every single day. 

I watched the sun rise - every single day.

I walked hours on the beach every evening picking up "angel wing" shells.

The photo above was taken especially for Chancey. He wants to reincarnate as the Flight Leader of a pelican squadron. They were AMAZING to watch. Just how can that big of a bird be that graceful in flight?

I took my sanity suitcase with me with the idea of finishing up the little stitchies for Grateful Hope. I finished those and then had this moment of creative inspiration. 

I wanted a sunrise memory to take back with me. 

Mind you, this suitcase has ONLY scraps, bits,  and leftovers of floss. 

So I took a good look and thought I could pull this off. Then I was on a mission to make a sunrise stitchie bit. No pattern. Just inspiration. 

Take a close look - this stitchie includes traditional cross stitch, blended floss stitching, and under stitching (layered cross stitches). I have no idea why, but I also happen to have a spool of sparkly blending filament in there, look at the waves closely - there are sparkles of light. 

I was very happy with how this turned out. 

Once I finished all of those stitchie bits for Grateful Hope, I took them and staged this little assemblage. These will become something else, but I wanted this documented. And it gave me a little advertising picture for the retreat. Happy with this too. 

And last, but not least some little tidbit quotes from the week. 

"not a chance in hell"

"why do outhouses have a crescent moon cutout in the door"

"her thong said SPANK ME"

"i'm kinda funny about who I let hold my doodle and I promise you I have never doodled anyone to death"

********************************************

it was a beautiful week and I brought back a few things including some darker skin and new freckles.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

Rest in Peace

I was blessed to know him. 

I was blessed to help care for him. 

I was blessed to love him. 

and 

I am not the only person who was touched by him.

So many people stopped to pay their respects. 

To offer encouragement and condolences for the loved ones left behind. 

Rest In Peace

Dorsey T Rich

Go rest high on that mountain.

********************************************

Now a word of advice. 

DO NOT PUT IT ASIDE.

I heard so many times yesterday

He cut my hair when I was little.

I remember him cutting my Dads hair.

When my Dad was sick, he came to the house to cut his hair.

I used to drop by the Barber shop just to visit, if he was alone, I often found him studying his ss lesson.

I came through Royston the other day and thought, "I should stop and see Dorsey"

If someone made a difference in your life (or a loved one's life), by all means take the time to let them know.

Even if you think they won't remember you.

Even if you really did not KNOW them yourself. 

It does not have to be a lengthy visit.

Or a visit at all, even a card will do. 

I had some one tell me about a man once, "he was so good to my Mama"

My response "call him- or drop by and see him - just tell him THANK YOU" 

As of right now, I don't think that has happened. 

Coulda - woulda - shoulda

those words frustrate me. 

Are we really too busy to take a few minutes and make a phone call?

Send a card? 

Drop by? 

Send a flower? 

 OR 

have we simply lost sight of encouraging people by letting them know that it matters

********************************

Helen Duncan - ended a visit with us the other afternoon with a phrase that I may adopt.

Frail - body stooped over - voice barely audible

She spoke softly as she hugged me.

"I appreciate you"

Three words that require no long term visit or commitment, but they convey so much encouragement, so much grace, and kindness. 

Just think about it. 

And do not put off letting someone know that they made a difference.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

small -----

When I grow up, I'm gonna get the hell out of this small town.

Yes I said that. 

More than once. 

Dang, I am so glad I didn't act on those words. 

I live between two "one red light" towns. 

Yes, I said between. 

I drive 20 miles one way to work every day.

I drive 7 miles to a small white brick church with about 75 people there on Sunday. 

There is a tiny grocery store in each of those towns. 

Casey - he's the young man who works at the golden pantry. 

Yes --- my life is SMALL. 

But you know what I have come to see of late. 

You can fill your small life full to overflowing with beauty and blessing so easily. 

Wild flowers on my desk - he loves me - he loves me not.

And a two item supper on Saturday evening (grilled deer tenderloin and a baked potato simple and beautifully prepared) - shared over smiles and laughter between bites. 

A beautiful vixen - with four kits under my barn (foxes)

A black snake in the studio. 

It took some time, but as the next picture expresses

I have learned the lesson.

I learned these lessons while walking these country roads. 

Or riding them. 

Sitting on the front porch swing. 

Planting herbs in an old cast iron sink and an enamel dish pan with holes rusted through.

Lessons on a life well lived. 

A small life.

That watches the sun rise and set. 

Looks for the hawk on a fence post. 

Watches the cardinals swoop and strut around in their version of a mating dance (no twerping allowed here)

Notices that the neighbors are cutting grass - or grilling.

Sees the crane with a tiny fish dinner in it's beak. 

An appreciation of time well spent with loved ones. 

Like this one.

That's Margo - making button assortments for Grateful Hope. 

I babysat this little Missy and her baby sister Friday night and Saturday. 

My life is small and we kept it that way. 

We made a foam flower arrangement for Mom. 

The button assortments. 

She was entranced with cross stitch.

We never turned the TV on. 

Just enjoyed being together. 

My life is so very small.

I am so very grateful. 

I am so overwhelmingly full. 

MY LIFE IS BEAUTI --- FULL

is yours?