Here I go again

In early September, I had my yearly wellness visit. 

I've been struggling with some issues and I brought that up. 

The issues seem so insignificant.

But since I am so aware of how my body feels everyday, I knew something was up. 

I have the most amazing medical team and sweet Sarah added some additional labs to the work up.

A Rheumatology Panel, an extra Endocrine panel. 

Both came back with some concerning numbers. 

The inflammation numbers were high, but for now, this is discounted because as a singular kidney patient I cannot that anti-inflammatory meds and the endocrine results show that I could have some issues that cause those. 

So deeper investigation on the endocrine side - aka more tests. 

Well tumor markers were high. 

Hmm. 

Thyroid numbers at all levels were off. 

So off to the imaging labs, I trekked. 

We have discovered a little issue.

Hello everyone. Meet NORMAN. He's a thyroid nodule, we suspect that he is my troublemaker. 

This discovery has me scheduled for a biopsy later this month with an Endocrine Specialist. 

Thus the reason for this title.

HERE I GO AGAIN. 

Spending money on medical stuff. 

Searching for answers. 

This is a path all too familiar for me. 

And yet, I do not feel anxious. 

Wait - what? - did I just type that? 

Yes, I do not feel terribly anxious.

Frustrated? - yes

Had a minor pity party? - yup, it lasted all of about 3 minutes. 

Anger? - that's my most common expected response - but it's more about the inconvenience.

But I have not even thought - Why me? 

BLESSED? - so very much. This is my reality. 

Prayers surround me - I feel them - blessed.

The day I got the results of the scan, a phone call to my partner in crime brought the phrase "need me to pack up and come on?"  - blessed

Family, girlfriends, buddies, customers, co-workers supporting me?  - full on - blessed

Fantastic medical team? - blessed

Job that will not have an issue with dealing with whatever this is? - blessed

Faith that no matter what this is, I will be okay? - blessed

Being blessed and grateful for that gives me a relief from anxiety, and I can genuinely say, I am okay. 

so for right now here is where I am ---- I have a nodule in my thyroid - it may be cancer - we will find out - I am blessed beyond measure to have a fabulous support network. 

We will simply do the next right thing. 

I refuse to jump way ahead in this process. 

Mostly, I just want to feel better. 

Life is crazy beautiful. 

Yes all photos are mine --- that scan photo is mine (I paid for the danged thing so I'm claiming it. )

A Peaceful Season

The picture has nothing to do with the post.

I just love the old bridge structure so much. 

I continue to purge.

Good for my sanity. 

Amazingly very good. 

It is also HARD WORK. 

I have gathered (also known as hoarded)  for so many years.

As I go through the things, I can remember some of the ideas I had when I collected the items. 

Then today, as I was reading blogs, I read this

Physical clutter promotes mental, spiritual, and creative clutter, and at the beginning this mini journey, I already feel as though I can breathe again.

Kim Laws

I have spent years trying to fill that damned hole in my soul with STUFF. 

I hardly noticed that was what was happening. 

April 2010 - that all began to change.

I was unhappy.

stuffing STUFF into my home.

Into the studio space (the one that never really got finished)

And I watched it unfold as I took on the demons.

It has almost been like watching a movie, only I know the cast of characters so well. 

All this to say.

Last night I quietly worked ALONE.

Towards finishing a project.

I could see progress - held in a sandwich sized plastic bag

I repeatedly picked that bag up and smiled

I have had this project sitting for years. 

Then in cleaning out a box, I found a second started but either I burned out or I set aside the materials, project. 

I have not added it to the list of 

STUFF I AM FINISHING.

These two projects

are but a tiny drop in my bucket for the digging, purging, finishing, unpacking, dealing with

pile of crap in my home. 

The funny thing.

As I am finishing these projects

and

making a list of additional things I wish to accomplish.

And getting rid of that I can now see that I WILL NEVER USE. 

I am feeling much more at PEACE than I have in years

Will I stumble - I'm sure.
Will I fall - well that too.
Am I afraid - sometimes
Can I survive - I have so many things.

this PEACE feels like it goes to the core of my being.

I sure hope I can hang on to it.

LIFE IS CRAZY BEAUTIFUL.

Basic Bootcamp Beginner Work out

Good morning - Many of you know that I have been consistently going to bootcamp style workouts for several years. I discovered that I really do enjoy the way these workouts make me feel. I am NOT coordinated enough to do aerobics - zumba - etc. But I can run and I can jump - and I can get stronger every day. PLUS I LOVE LOVE LOVE being outdoors for my workouts.

I had a friend ask me via facebook yesterday if this was something she could do.

(DISCLAIMER - I am not an expert. I am simply sharing a basic beginner workout that I can return to easily.)

I started at basically zero fitness level - people were patient with me as I gained confidence and ability. That is the key.

Here's the run down

1. Set reasonable goals.
2. Set and stick to a reasonable schedule.
3. Do not expect immediate results.
4. Keep doing it. Add reps or weights as you are ready.
5. Modify anything you need to - this is about a workout you can accomplish and not be so frustrated that you feel like quitting.

Lets go into a bit of detail ---

SET REASONABLE GOALS

When I started, I could not do a single push up. I struggled with sit ups. Forget running (my first mile took 24 minutes and I cried every single step - I am not much faster, but I have quit crying - actually I run about a 13 minute mile)

So here's what I did (besides cry).

I decided to start with wall pushups - I could easily do those. As I got stronger - I would do one or two real push ups - then "granny style" until I could go no further. Then wall pushups for the rest of the set. Last night - in sets of ten - I managed 50 pushups.

It's really simple - challenge yourself to one major improvement each workout. ONE - HELLO - anyone can improve ONE thing.

SET AND STICK TO A REASONABLE SCHEDULE

I will workout every day is not reasonable.

I will do five wall pushups every time I go to the bathroom is.

I workout Bootcamp Style - 3 days a week with several ladies. We work HARD and we laugh and we play and we pray and we encourage. Mostly though WE SWEAT for an hour those three days. I try to get another two major workouts in during the week. (and  I still do five wall push ups every time I go to the bathroom.)

DO NOT EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS

Did you find yourself overweight over night? (NOPE)
Did you find yourself out of shape over night? (NOPE)
Do you think there is some sort of magic "thing" that can give that all back to you? (FORGET IT - contrary to Facebook propaganda that MAGIC does not exist)

Make good food and movement decisions today - and tomorrow - and the next day --- and on -- and on and on.

Now is also a good time to say - if you have a bad day (mine was yesterday, I had a CocaCola for lunch - I felt crappy ALL afternoon) simply regroup at the next opportunity.

KEEP DOING IT

Scientists say a new habit take twenty one days to "take"

Keep a journal - record your gains (and losses) keep track. This will help you see that you have made progress. (I also do something that they advise against - I weigh myself every day. - make that your decision - according to the experts, it is a bad idea)

Make this a date with yourself --- put your workout on the calendar - find a time of day that works for your schedule. Use any mind trick you have to.

Just show up.

MODIFY ANYTHING YOU NEED TO

This is just common sense. If you can't run - walk. If you can't walk - swim (or bike). Can't do a sit up - crunch.

Frustration is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. You mind will tell you  that this is hopeless - or useless. The "I CAN'T" monster will show up and try so hard to stop you.

Here is my deal in fighting those demons (the hardest part of a workout for me is the right hand turn off the main road). So I start miles ahead - focusing on that turn. Once I have made the turn, I often say out loud that "I've got this."

The negative nelly part of your brain - well she thinks she is "all that" and she goes out of her way to keep that "I'm large and in charge and you can't get rid of me" attitude going. Well treat her like the damned bully she is and YOU take control.

Having said all of that --- take a look at any well done workout video. There is always a modified version being demonstrated. Here it is -----

PERMISSION SLIP ---- YOU HAVE MY FULL PERMISSION TO MODIFY ANY EXERCISE TO FIT YOUR CURRENT ABILITY AND ENDURANCE LEVEL ----

Now - You can print this and have it ready to hand to that negative little Bit$* in your head.

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I know that was a lot to say to get to where you wanted - the workout.

Here is a link to a printable workout routine  - no special equipment needed - just a wall and a chair. (note - I have bad knees, the chair is too high of a step up for me - I do step up on (well duh) a step.)

no equipment basic work out. - once a week at least

and

a full body weight workout (hand weights) - second workout day

and

a core/stretch/strength pilates workout - third workout day

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add at least 25 minutes of heart rate elevating cardio each day.

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Now for a couple of encouraging websites.

Meet Rhonda from Living Instead of Existing. An amazing transformation. I follow her on facebook as well - facebook link is on the site.

James Clear -  words wit and wisdom about changing habits and improving your life.

Lean it Up --- a pin board of goodness (exercise - food - motivation)

(Nancy - the friend who asked the question - has Neuropathy in her feet. I run/jog/walk for my cardio. According to my nurse, the activity in itself will not damage the feet any more although it may be painful. Please check with your doctor about your particular situation. Bike riding or eliptical workouts may be better for you.)

I WILL ADD MY DISCLAIMER AGAIN - I am not an expert. I am simply sharing a basic beginner workout that I can return to easily.

I sure hope you can take a few easy steps to improve your health.

I almost died in 2010 from a cancer induced ruptured kidney. I didn't die. It was a blessing. I got a second chance those 15 days to live fully again ----

Do it TODAY - tomorrow may be too late.

Life is beautiful. You are beautiful.