The thing that cost so much ------

Sunday was Easter.

The sunrise service was beautiful.

Breakfast was amazing. ( Methodists can really cook - and they take a potluck seriously) 

The cantata was harmony. 

The lunch was delicious.

The nap was then fretful.

And the awakening from that nap was wretched. 

Because Sunday was also the anniversary of  the Renal Cell Carcinoma surgery that took my left kidney. 

The day of my surgery is the day that cost so much. 

See, I woke from that surgery with my Aunt and Uncle there with me. 

I love them both dearly and I am forever glad that they were there.

Otherwise, I would have awakened alone. 

There was no intention of harm to my soul, however it happened. 

He knew I was to be okay. 

The doctors had covered the surgery and outcome with him. 

He was relieved. 

He left the hospital and me in the quite capable hands of my loved ones. 

It cost me dearly - that decision. 

I was once again for a major medical issue - ALONE. 

Previous to this - I had pursued the follow up for breast cancer - alone.

Every damned mamogram.

It was just me and the medical people who covered it all. 

Every damned scan. 

And Sunday - as I woke from the nap - there it was again. the memory of alone. 

Twice since then - he has attended church. 

he would have attended at Christmas, but my anger over this reared it's head and there was a confrontation about it. 

And so - on Easter Sunday - the pews filled with new Easter clothes covered families - I wore black and sat by myself. 

Like so many other Sundays. 

But this time I know I am not alone. 

He is with me. 

He brings joy.

He encourages me.

He recognizes me.

Calls me by name. 

Jones Chapel UMC loved me through so much. 

God has loved me through so much. 

I am tired.

Cancer took so much from me. 

It's time for me to take some of those things and move forward again. 

Hold on to your hats people. I made a decision on April 16, 2010.

I think seven years is long enough to be patient. 

I almost wrote "don't you?"

But it is time for me to stop the worrying about what YOU think.

I'm picking up the pieces. 

And --- I know who I can lean on to help