Scenes from a slow moving train.......

I haven't done one of these posts in quite a while. 

So here we go. 

All photos are mine. 

Life is racing by. 

For me and for everyone else. 

Weddings, babies, complicated relationships. 

Feelings hurt - finding grace.

Realizing that it really is all very complex and yet what we crave is simplicity. 

Sit and breathe and watch a hummingbird land on a wire. Seeing the tiny heartbeat in her chest. Hearing the beat of tiny wings working so hard in hover mode.

Yes.

See. 

Feel my heartbeat slow. 

Breathe. 

A window down ride through the country.

Open the gate, back in. 

Unload.

Amble out and look.

Really look.

Rusted wire - coiled gently - fence post a convenient hanger. 

Barbed - graceful - utilitarian.

Yet beautiful in it's simplicity.

This.

A country lane.

Sunbeams through the mist. 

That patch of light along the right of the road. 

mmm.

I really really wanted to trespass here...

What lies beyond that little turn in the road?

These are the things my mind wanders through.

Taken the same morning as the previous picture. 

I have driven past this view many times. 

Today - I saw it differently. 

That tree may as well have been planted there just for this view. 

I caught my breath on the noticing.

Slowing down to look - again to really SEE.

A pond beyond.

Green path before. 

Framed. 

Yes.

See.

Breathe.

A tiny table and chairs.

A Sunday school room in a tiny country church.

I was asked to take some photos by one of the church members. 

The have taken on a monumental task.

Seems the old building was literally falling down.

They are slowly, steadily restoring and remodeling. 

All while sharing the Grace that is the GIFT. 

I walked into this little room and suddenly I was back in Miss Fowler's class in the basement of Royston PH Church.

The slightly musty smell of a building only open a couple of days a week.

The smell of crayons (I love that scent)

(I do NOT like the smell of playdoh) 

Little folded papers printed in black and white with the story and a coloring page. 

I could not help but smile. 

Memories.

Yes. 

Breathe.

Another picture from the church. 

Focusing on details. 

The image may only make sense to me.

But when I "see" it in my mind

Zoom in on (or span out from) that area.

Click the shutter. 

Hold it out and preview the picture on the little screen. 

And that image on the screen makes me smile.

I have just locked another moment in my life. 

This one is warm sunshine.

The light on the grey blue of the paint. 

Worn spot on the wheel - from how many hands - ringing the bell how many time over the years.

I hear my sister's laughter not too far away. 

I see my Mom's grey hair off in the distance.

It was Kassie's baby shower day. 

Yes, I rang the bell myself. 

Stood and listened to the deep resonant sound.

Locking in the moment.

Yes

Breathe.

Oh Mama.

Baby on Board.

Curious eyes watch me.

This herd is familiar with me.

As long as I keep a distance, they are not alarmed. 

19 in the herd, but it is about to grow.

Several pregnant doe. 

They really are beautiful creatures.

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the fawns. 

I really hope Mom let's me be a spectator to their play. 

I promise I will laugh as I watch them.

Yes.

Breathe.

I you read here often, you know I collect sunrises.

I never fail to say "THANK YOU" when I slow to focus. 

Trying settings.

Beauty.

Grace.

Peace. 

Breathe.

This picture.

Some see weeds.

I see wishes.

I even call them "wish flowers" 

But this sunrise.

On this day.

Wishes were not on my thoughts.

It seemed frivolous to blow wishes to the wind. 

Then I pulled the camera out. 

Zoomed in close.

Set my focus and framing. 

Took this.

Softly I blew the seed pod.

Slowly the seeds broke away. 

I found myself praying over a HARD situation. 

Not wishes.

Prayers.

And prayer spreads too.

I stood back up.

Remembered some childhood wish.

That I have thought was childish in the past. 

You know - the whole "happily ever after" thing.

And suddenly there was a thought.

Yes - some days are hard.

But I choose to remain happy.

Thankful.

Joyful.

Realizing that God is there. 

Even when I turn from him.

He's waiting - working - providing Grace. 

I smile.

Breathe.

Yes.

The Queen Anne's Lace is blooming.

As I write this, I can see a vase of it from the Crusty Old Guy on my desk. (I love that fact)

But in my mind I can also see these roadside beauties dancing in the wind. 

One of my favorite wildflowers (daisies will always be on the top of the list - there are some of those in the vase too)

The sway of the heavy blooms on the stem reminds me that I can still move about. 

So after a grueling two days of hard work setting up for a wedding.

After walking around 11 miles on Saturday all over the farm property where this wedding was to be held. 

After sunshine - florists - caterers - bridesmaids - groomsmen 

After vows and tears of joy. 

After toasts and Father - Daughter dances.

After all of that - I joined my two adult daughters and their friends on the dance floor.

I danced - I sang - I laughed

I had a blast.

I had worked hard.

I had played hard.

I had lived full.

I was in the moment.

Right now I can bring back every one of those feelings.

Even the harmony of us singing the Wagon Wheel song.

Breathe.

and in this case

Sweat. 

Yes. 

Thistle.

Farmers hate it.

But this picture.

This is one of my favorite shots EVER. 

Yes.

Breathe.

Look towards the sun. 

Face life head on. 

You have this day.

Live it. 

Yes.

Once more

Scenes from a Slow Moving Train

comes to a close. 

We all feel it.

The gale force wind in our hair.

Created by the speed that life is passing by. 

Passing so fast it is only a blur. 

If you say you don't feel it, then you are ignoring life.

Or you have really become much better than I at LIVING in the moment.

(If that is you - congratulations)

Finding my focus in a moment actually does seem to slow the train. 

And that has served me well. 

I can appreciate everything I have and where I am.

I am finding myself much more content with myself and my things.

I am being able to let go of some things as well. 

Look 

Listen

Breathe

Life is Beautiful

Few words

OLD DOOR

OLD HARDWARE

STUNNING REFLECTIONS IN THE GLASS

WOODEN WALLS STILL BEARING TRACES OF TIME

KEYS LEFT HANGING

ZOOMING IN FOR THE PICTURE

LAUGHTER BEHIND ME

A BEAUTIFUL PLACE

A SPECIAL MEMORY 

THIS IS LIFE

IT IS BEAUTIFUL. 

(note - this is from a door in Bill and Lisa Douglas newly built with older materials event barn. Thank you to them for allowing me to take pictures) 

shore time thoughts

Miles of sand and shells.

The sound of the waves against the shore. 

Sun on my face.

Adding to the freckles sprinkled across my nose.

Shoes in hand.

Bare feet on the sand.

Toes touch water.

It was impromptu.

A detour to the beach. 

I breathe fresh air

I feel warmth on my skin

I let that solitary tear roll down my cheek

Not alone - just lonely.

Seems the common theme in my life for so long. 

My name is Mama

I am so proud of my girls. 

They are grown up now.

Embarking on the next grand adventures of their life

Leaving a huge empty space in mine.

There is sadness in that empty silent space.

Robin Williams quote embodies how this feels. 

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not.

The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

Then on the way to the car 

I find something I have looked for for so many years.

A decent sized shark tooth. 

This one about the size of a dime. 

Reminding me that I am strong.

We got this.

God's got this.

and even in the midst of some serious challenges,

there is peace in the knowing. 

Life is so beautiful.

I give thanks for the blessings. 

Please join me and give thanks for yours. 

Life is beautiful.

I say it often.

Sometimes, like I'm trying to convince myself.

But really life is quite beautiful.

and this spring - I have noticed so much of that beauty.

Native azaela's in unusual colorations

The back of the vine covered barn in the sun after the storm.

Just look at that golden light.

Storm clouds loom and I feel like I am being hammered at times lately.

but look - the sun remains.

I love that I caught this picture of the storm front. 

I've been a little out of whack --- but I'll be back to my old self soon. 

this guy

waiting for the doctor to come in --- he says "quick, lets change places"

I laugh - and remember.

pictures being taken for comparison images from last week - I say "I bet you always wanted to take these kinds of pictures - didn't you"

the tech laughs - and I say "I woke up one morning and just had to sell toilets"

He laughs - and remembers.

Doc says - are you allergic to anything

He says "work"

I say "redheads"

Doc laughs and then says "then one of you is in trouble"

We laugh - and remember.

we both are cancer survivors.

We both have spent hours at a time in doctor's offices - ALONE - with only the medical staff in and out of the room.

Today - it did not matter which one of us it was on the exam table.

There was no ALONE.

and when that statement was made - we both remembered.

THERE IS NO LONGER ALONE.

Lots of tidbits and love.

Last week saw me celebrate 5 years. 

I am a survivor. 

And I have put words to something. 

One of those things that I have not found the words to until now. 

(stay tuned, I will share at the end) 

My little girl

Softball Princess

Abby

Graduates from college in May. 

She is looking at graduate school

in NEW JERSEY. 

I cry some every single day. This fact along with some other things I (we) are dealing with have me a stressed out, emotional mess. 

But I am fighting for peace and balance and I NEVER forget to count blessings. 

Her Daddy and I are road tripping with the team and this weekend found us in Greensboro, NC and Danville, VA. 

The above picture is of the windows of the Dan River White Mill. 

I can foresee an art work of some sort based on these colors and patterns in the future.

Can you say "fell in love" 

This is the old Dan River Mill Hydroelectric Building.

I spotted it as we entered on Saturday Night.

Sunday Morning found me traipsing down the side of Hwy 29 taking pictures and enjoying a beautiful morning. 

I met the weekend caretaker, who is supposed to stop photography. It is still a working power plant and therefore falls under terrorism threat protection. He decided I wasn't a terrorist and ended up giving me a great history lesson. 

Our jaunt about the area led us to this site. It is an old pedestrian bridge. At one time it linked the Mill with all those amazing windows and another mill on the opposite side of the river. I wanted a closer look. 

Remember, I have already encroached on a protected site this morning.

I found a gap in that chain link fence - and went trespassing. 

The Man (her Daddy) was not at all about this, but I took the camera, went through the fence, and off I went for a nice little stroll down the river. 

This was my reward. A fantastic shot of the bridge and the mill in the background. I would have explored inside the bridge, but it was too high on the pilings and the ends are closed off. 

I can see making that mill and the bridge into wonderful loft spaces. 

Imagine waking to that wonderful river view every day. 

Keep in mind I am strolling along a trail/gravel/paved path along the river. 

There were these guys joining me. (Eastern River Cooter - I think) 

It was a beautiful morning. 

Clear skies.

Temp in the upper 60's

Low humidity. 

Lots to be thankful for.

Quiet beauty that leaves you room to think.

And I found myself in the "ponder pose" mode. 

What do I want?

What to tell my girls - that I haven't shared already?

What did having cancer teach me? 

Really - very important things - of which my responses could make a difference to me and others.

More turtles and a really pretty babysitting bird. 

So much wildlife in the habitat. 

I walked over a mile down that riverside - then back. 

While The Man waited close to the car. 

As I returned to the gap in the fence, I saw the hillside from a different angle.

Violets covered it - fully in bloom. I had not even noticed these on the way down the hill. 

Stunning what a change in perspective can give you . 

Like realizing that CANCER could have killed you and it didn't and that even the tiniest of details is worth a celebration.

Now a few pictures of the reason we found ourselves in the area. 

The Princess - game face on - focused on the game. 

It's a hit.

Look at those eyes.

I love this girl so freaking much.

When did she become this young adult? 

When did the need for her Mom diminish?

How do I handle this next phase of life?

Pondering?

Still pondering?

And this picture.

Reflecting the amazing, beautiful, successful young woman that she is.

She loves God.

She loves family, friends, herself.

She loves life. 

I love her. 

**********************************************

Now for the answer to the the elusive thing that has been haunting me. 

Causing me to count the circles on the ceiling at times.

The why. The thing that changed things. The what I was looking for. THE what I want my girls to understand. 

The person who will love you, treat you beautifully, cherish you fully, work alongside you to accomplish dreams and goals, help parent your children, grow within the relationship, plan and prepare adequately for you and your children in the future,  and all those other things we have talked about. Well I added the next elusive thing to that list. 

That person needs to publicly and privately beautifully love you, appreciate you, include you,  and

NOT GIVE ONE DAMN WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

family dinners

bring you flowers (old jars, buttons, lace) 

include you among friends

be a part of what you enjoy

allow you to be a part of what they enjoy

crawl into that hospital bed and hold you

treat people well

stand up for you

listen and try to fill your needs

realize that your physical needs are important, but are not the only thing there is

teach you

learn from you

because loving someone means being a part of everything you are

and girls ----- you simply MUST do the same thing for them. 

Bought lessons on my part.

And when I was exploring that river trail - alone.

In my heart I knew who should (would) be there.

Clutter Busting #5 - yarn stash and controlling it.

Pretty sky porn picture just because I liked it. 

Abby plays Softball - college softball.

It's her senior year and I am trying to make as many of the games as possible. 

Meaning --- ALL DAY Saturday and Sunday are often spent at the ballfield

Either a road trip or her home field (which is still an hour from home) 

I have crocheted at ball games for years now. 

Nothing new here. 

Except for my approach to it now. 

Gathering supplies adds to the clutter.

I would see pretty yarn.

Buy pretty yarn.

Feel guilty about pretty yarn.

Cuss about storing pretty yarn.

I had it stashed in boxes in the hall. 

Bags tucked all kinds of places. 

I had yarn all over the place.

Crochet hooks too.

Then when I needed to start a project, I would go buy pretty yarn for that project.

here's what's new. 

I have consolidated my yarn stash to a large degree. (yay me)

Mind you - it is still ongoing, I keep finding yarn (see line above about bags everywhere)

And I have a list of projects I NEED to do. 

In an earlier attempt to organize the stuff, I had purchased some clear zipper bags to store the stuff in. 

(Yes, I know - I do need to be better organized, I need less stuff) 

I have this list of projects - I keep it on the corner of my desk at work 

Right now it has 4 crochet projects on it.

I have grabbed 4 of these zipper bags. 

And one Project Bag.

And one plastic Box.

I have the list. I sit down. Drag out all my stashed yarn boxes. And start putting projects into the zipper bags. Mixing and matching yarns from the massive stash. 

After I have compiles yarns that I think work together for a project, I then simply drop a note in my bag. (ie. blanket Renee and Nick (April) ) 

the label is who it belongs to - and when I need to have it finished

I then hang them on the closet rod by punching a hole in a zipper bag and using a simple coat hanger.

I was working on a blanket when I started this. (from the stash)

a yellow - green- and variegated yarn. 

So I finished it.

Folded and in a zipper bag. (this one has no planned owner so I'll have one for a surprise baby if needed) 

Then there was the scarf - a fun project idea that had been brewing for a while.

Also a stash project. 

And I finished it. 

The finishing was a big deal too - See I have bags and boxes of unfinished items cluttering my world too. 

I have found that plastic lidded boxes are better suited for having in the car with a waiting project.

Yarn seems to escape tote bags. 

I have the "next" project yarn and hook (and pattern if needed) in that box. 

So when I finished the scarf at a the first ball game of the day, I folded it, balled the remaining bits of yarn (we will cover that later) and retrieved the next project from the car. 

Loaded it into my project bag (made by my buddy Vallen) and started this one. 

Having this plan, I am able to continue with my normal way of watching softball.

Hook in hand.

Points to make about this 

1. I am using up stash - aka reducing my clutter.

2. I am accomplishing handmade gifts. (very important me) 

3. Being prepared means I don't "run to WalMart, Hobby Lobby, Michaels" to grab some yarn because I am out of something to do.

yes I am guilty of that

4. Making the Zipper bag - with the notes - and hanging them in order means I can take a look and be ahead of the stress of waiting too long to start the handmade gift. 

5. It also gives me the time to buy for a project (if needed). For instance - I buy colors I am drawn to and one of the blankets I need to finish by October is in colors that were in slim supply in my stash. I made the list and dropped it in my wallet. Then when I saw a great yarn on sale I was able to buy just what I needed for this project. Make the zipper bag and get it in the system. 

As of right this moment, I have cleared the following from the stash.

- Six skeins of baby yarn into a blanket

- 5 skeins of lush soft yarn into a scarf that I love.

- 5 skeins of denim blue and some scrap bits are being made into a baby blanket now.

I have in the plastic box (on deck - so to speak) and from the stash.

- 8 skeins of assorted blues, tans, and neutrals (for a sofa throw) 

I have in zipper bags

- 8 skeins of a color called PEACOCK (yes it is stunning) for a baby blanket

- 8 skeins of newly purchased assorted yarn (see note 5 above) for a sofa blanket.

Look at that - that's 32 skeins of yarn GONE from the stash. 

And 8 that will not get added to the stash. 

This is cool.

Results.

ONE CLUTTER STRESSED WOMAN BECOMING LESS STRESSED.