Love - keeps no record of wrongs.

I alluded to this the other day.

Preparing a lesson for three and four year olds at Sunday school. Seems easy, until you try to really break a scripture down to their level and give them examples and maybe a craft to illustrate the lesson.

And right now we are focusing on 1 Corinthians 13. All about love. You know -  love is patient, kind, .....

We are progressing merrily along and then this one. verse 5

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

We made it through dishonor. A little uncomfy for me.

Not self-seeking ------ I can handle the nudge I got on that one.

Not easily angered ----- that was hard for me - red headed me, got some serious Irish bloodlines, easily can fly off the handle about stuff. I actually got that message loud and clear many years ago. I work on that constantly. Have for years. So okay, confess it to the kids, and use that as the lesson illustration. Whew.

LOVE - IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS.

I read the words. I reflect on them. Suddenly there's that feeling. The knowing. The sick at my stomach, gut wrenching feeling that GOD is about to teach me about being much more like Him.

And I react much like some of these readers might. It starts like this.....

but GOD !!!!!!!!

And then it goes into the justifying of  this very human behavior.

But he did ------ and she did ------- and no I won't forget ---- can't forget.

Oh and then the lesson poured into me.

Oh, but you get so HISTORICAL. 

Yes - I do. I say, I forgive, but then I hang onto it. And rehash it over and over. But I also get so frustrated when others do this to me. Trying to beat some lesson into my head. Or trying to beat my lesson into someone else's head. 

Oh and then there is the very public social media - and blogging - and texting - and instagram and all that to JUSTIFY my side of whatever the story is. 

Add onto that --- the waiting until some human slip up in the future. The "I don't get mad - I get even" phrase. Trust me - I have lived this phrase to it's fullest degrees. 

As I sat in my studio, absorbing the lesson. Facing myself. I then committed the worst offense to this. I then hashed out ALL the crap I do wrong. So in my very human state of being - I rehashed my own record of wrongs.

UH - OH.

After several minutes of this -of the fighting the faceless angel -  Genesis 32:24-32 - of wrestling with God over being chastised  - I slowly come to terms with the immediate lesson I am being taught myself. Then it happened - just like in Jacob's story. I was blessed by God.

My child  - you do this so often. You keep this big book of wrongs in you. This record. This is heavy for you to carry. This takes so much energy to maintain. So much trouble to keep cataloged. So much heartache to re-live. So much anger to drive the ugliness. You're tired so much and you don't often even know why. Wrongs you think you have committed and need to remember. Wrongs you perceived against you. Wrongs that really did happen to you. Take a look at that  record book. Look how much space in your heart and head it takes up.  Look at some of those names. Does it really matter now what happened? Look at some of the things you kept. Does it matter that your friend wasn't there like you expected? Does it matter that you really wanted that thing in your life and she forgot? Really --- does it matter? Does it matter that you took the time and made the effort and there were no thanks? Really --- does it matter? 

Now look at that book with the eyes of LOVE - of MY LOVE. See - use my sleeve and wipe that line away. Tear those pages out and start a fire of great LOVE with them. Wait - that number right there - keep it in a new file. Dial it and say "let's try to go out to eat". Oh there's an address - send a note - A LOVING NOTE - saying that you're sorry and that this should not have been between us. And those posts --- yes - the ones where you tried so hard to explain your side - they can go away too. One word -one page - one chapter at a time - dismantle that record book. 

Yes it's hard to do - I know MY child - as your Heavenly Father, I KNOW. I have to do this every day - but it's worth it. 

See - if you let all that go, you can rest. You can give ALL THAT ROOM over to love and to blessings and to gratitudes. You can genuinely focus on my LOVE and sharing it with others. You can be a much better witness of and for my GRACE. 

I try to give you these lessons MY child. Because I LOVE YOU. Right here - right now - with no thought of what happened or how you got where you are. 

Choose wisely my dear one ------

_____________________________________________________________________

Now the hard work starts for me - There are posts here and elsewhere that will be deleted.

There are I'm sorrys to be spoken. There are bridges to be mended - hello - some may have to be rebuilt.

It will be difficult I know. In my human state, I'll have to unpack and erase some things multiple times. I'll have to start over again, again and again.

Let me start right here ---------

I AM SO SORRY - if I attacked you - offended you - hurt you - 

I AM SO SORRY - if i said I forgave you then held onto the transgression in my own way, just so I could use it against you later. 

I AM SO SORRY.

I AM SO SORRY THAT I'VE KEPT RECORDS

will this change the outcome of things? maybe or maybe not. but I am learning everyday. and the learning, well that will not stop. will the bridges be rebuilt or repaired? I don't know that either? and will I be able to stop keeping these records? I sure hope so -because the lesson is right --- keeping up with all that is exhausting. 

even anonymous comments are welcome -----