Back there.......

It happened too fast. 

Too late to prepare.

Too late to respond.

But there it was. 

Then it was gone. 

It left me trying to live in the past again. 

To see things imagined.

If only..................

You know the feeling. 

If only I had done this. 

If only he had lived.

If only it wasn't so complicated. 

Then a text. 

Two words.

CALL ME.

And that phone call

Reminded me that I came out stronger after

That I want to live EVERY SINGLE DAY

Actively chasing dreams 

Not talking about it.

Dreaming about it. 

DOING IT DAMMIT. 

Not listening to others ways of handling it. 

Doing it in the best way I see.

Adapting as I go.

Maybe almost dying changed me. 

Maybe the weight of being sad was the deciding factor

Maybe realizing that I wanted to chase the dream. 

Whatever it was - here I am. 

Just today.

Not yesterday. 

Not tomorrow. 

But .

I am sorry I didn't wave.