YESTERDAY

10-26-2014

THE 18TH ANNIVERSARY OF MY FIRST RE-BIRTHDAY

I CELEBRATED

THERE WAS BREAKFAST

THERE WAS CHILI

THERE WAS A HAYRIDE

THERE WERE KIDS

THERE WAS A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON WHO HELPED DRIVE THE TRACTOR

THERE WAS THE UNLOADING OF HAY

THERE WAS LAUNDRY

THERE WAS LAUGHTER

THERE WAS JOY

THERE WAS NO MENTION

FORTUNATELY, I DIDN'T EXPECT ONE

SEE, I DID MOST OF THAT JOURNEY ALONE.

LOT'S OF THE SECOND ONE TOO

NOT ANYMORE

BECAUSE - WELL - TRACTOR DRIVER

THE "FWEND" OF THE FIRE BREATHING DRAGON

HE WON'T LET ME.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

IT IS OK ------

He simply wrapped his arms around me. 

as the tears slowly fell

and I poured out

took my mask off

afraid of what I was saying

completely unable to stop the torrent of words spilling out

I laugh easily in public

even about my weight

and here I was completely vulnerable

spilling insecurity after insecurity

what he did - changed everything

he tilted my chin and said

"no one else can or will ever do what you do for me"

pulled me close again and let me simply rest in those words 

**************************************************************

Thats the simple version of the story. 

Truth is - it was emotionally, mentally, and physically one of the most draining 

conversations I have ever had. 

But it was also on of the most freeing ones EVER. 

I write it to share what was handled right in this discussion

I was right to face the fear and share my insecurities.

He was right to listen carefully.

He didn't try to fix my insecurity.

He didn't try to use endless words to build me up. (which often sound like bullshit)

I poured out my heart.
He spoke from his.

Simple
Affirming
Real
Hard
Velveteen Rabbit Stuff

I struggle to this day with my weight.
But that day's conversation stays with me.
Keeping me plugging away at trying to become more healthy.
And to look better.
And the knowing that everything will be ok,
well that is a super way to live every day.

Oh - and no one else can ever do what he does for me.

****************************************************

DISCLAIMER - this is not a sexual story at all.

It is the story of a partnership.

Where both people are truly interested in keeping the partnership healthy.

I know I am a large girl.
I KNOW that losing some weight would be best for my health.
At that moment, I needed to just BE.
Then I could pick myself up and go on.

NOTE TO MEN - honesty about her weight is important.
But honesty about her being special is even more.
Don't you dare just tell her
Dammit - be sure you show her.
Don't hide her
Don't try to make her be "your ideal"
Love her where she is right now
Gently show her how freaking awesome she really is.

Think about the phrasing and the long term impact of your words.

It makes a difference.

Freedom?????

Hey there. 

I have a problem.

I need to talk about it. 

Actually - I have talked about it.

Over and over and over.

I kinda think there are lots of us out there with a very similar problem. 

Hell - there's even a show based on the issue. 

*****************************************

I have TOO MUCH STUFF. 

I have so much junk in my house. 

In my barn. 

In my studio.

In my attic. 

It is everywhere.

********************************************

In making some lifestyle changes. 

I have found myself carefully evaluating what I have versus what I use. 

I am slowly (GOD so slowly) ridding myself of extraneous stuff. 

Now here is the issue. 

The "hoarding" is actually a symptom of the real issues. 

I suffer from whatifineedthisstufflater

and from thisisgreatstufftherewillbeaperfectprojectforit

and ohbutmollyandabbymaywantthisinthefuture

as well as soandsogavethistomesoishouldkeepitforsentimentalreasons.

I so hope others struggle with these issues like I do. 

I am trying so hard to organize things and the realization is

I do NOT need better organization.

I NEED LESS STUFF. 

****************************************************

Let's just go over a few things. 

Sweet little vacation cabin.

Relaxed atmosphere.

Great food.

Lovely moments.

Rest.

Wait.......

Shouldn't home feel like that too?

That cabin has very little "stuff" in it. 

So very little time and effort is required to maintain it.

Quick dinner (simple foods - prepared well - shared with beauty) 

Clean up happens in less than 10 minutes.

Then a glass of wine by the window - or on the porch - or while strolling a path - or walking the beach. 

Shouldn't home feel like that too? 

******************************************************

At my house - I have to clear off this to accomplish that - then put it all back to then do the other. 

It's CONSTANT.

It's EXHAUSTING

It's OVERWHELMING.

It's EMBARRASSING. 

and I need to apologize to my children about it all. 

So 

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT ALL THIS? 

**********************************************************

Start by actually letting go of some stuff. 

See the two tables in the picture below.

Church yard sale.

I piled up two tables full of stuff. 

When it was all said and done - I only brought home the Ski Bibbs and Jacket and a few magazines. 

I did bring a bag of books home, but those will be donated to a local jail as soon as I see my sister. 

What did not sell in the clothing was packed up and sent to a local clothes closet. 

I also dumpstered some of the boxes this was hauled in as well as a few things that literally were JUNK.

As I walk past the place these boxes have been sitting, I can breathe. 

I did not expect that. 

Sadly, this didn't even make a dent in the stuff I have hoarded. 

I also created an entire women's event using my studio stash.

Guess what - you cannot even tell that I pulled this stuff out.

All of this to say.

I continue to fight the issues. 

I continue to make tiny progress each and ever day. 

And I will celebrate the feeling that the empty spaces will bring. 

It is HARD WORK - the damned demon named HOARDER is worse that a cockroach infestation. The stuff is simply everywhere. 

ONE SURFACE AT A TIME. 

**********************************************

Now just some side notes.

Yes that lamp is hideous. 

And there was this "FABULOUS" bubble fabric top that I gave away.  (the one I gave away was yellow - so anyone who knows me knows it was not mine) 

Yes that is a Chatty Cathy doll still in it's box. 

The lady who bought her was thrilled. 

She came in to look for something specific, but when she spotted her she sailed across the floor and smiled and was simply over the top excited. 

Seems she had one when she was little and it was lost or destroyed at some point and she had wanted to replace her for many many years. 

At least someone was tickled to have her.

And she didn't say - maybe you should take her back home. 

************************************************************

I can feel major changes occurring in my life. 

Good changes. 

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

please comment if you struggle with some of this kind of issue. 

Sure would be nice if I had some support out there. 

Grateful Hope Round 2

See the first post HERE

The details were important to me. 

A LARGE part of my heart was literally poured out for months as I prepped and prayed. 

My instagram feed was peppered with snippets. 

But I surely did not want to spoil all the surprises. 

A location was selected. 

A family owned building.

Rural - comfortable - affordable

Perfect.

I prepared muffins and provided coffee and bottled water.

I cooked chili for supper. 

Everyone "pot-lucked" the remaining food for the day. 

(we are all good cooks too) 

The DVD sessions. 

What can I say? 

I was bare souled myself. 

The others were too. 

There were beautiful tears.

Laughter. 

As we began counting blessings. 

And took notes. 

And each person took away their special moments. 

I left the day - raw - bare - open.

Full to overflowing the blessings rained down. 

Thank you Patti - LeighAnn - Tonya - Tanya - Elaine - Lynn - Linda - Jean

You have no idea how special you all are to me. 

I would love to do this thing again. 

Maybe next fall -----

Now more Snippets. 

Craft time - God created the heavens and the earth. He recognizes that we all need beauty. So I planned a little creative time. 

We made pretty little light catchers. 

I kitted up the materials months ahead. 

Turns out, I could have dumped a trough full on the table, because we dumped the bags out and everyone pawed through them any way. 

So much fun. 

Above is Tanya -Patti - and LeighAnn. 

Oh there was laughter. 

Tears rolling down our legs laughter. 

That's Jean (Jean Irene)

She is craft challenged.

She needed to go - another commitment later in the day. 

She chose to stay and her light catcher was beautiful. 

I'm wondering where she has it hanging? 

Miss Linda and Jean - such serious concentration. 

I used some wooden shapes I found somewhere (hoarder much) and covered them with GlobeCraft and Piccolo Embossing Powder Mixes.  These powders are mixed in colors and in particle sizes - wonderful to work with. 

Whew Tanya is really concentrating here. 

Thank you Miss Linda for the cheese and fruit tray. 

Yummy

This is from my Instagram feed. 

bead mixes for this craft. 

Another shot from the bead mixes.

That's Margo, she helped me ( WAAYYYYY back in cold weather) put the first of the bead mix items together. 

This picture is added just so people will know that I am quite capable of operating an iron. Vintage handkerchiefs served as napkins. Just because I loved the idea. And because many of them came from my grandmother's stash (hoarding is genetic) 

Studio work. 

I discovered that working outdoors was wonderful when I was putting together things for my daughters wedding. 

This studio space is under the pecan trees and the table was made for me by my UncleTommy. Made from an old door we tore out of the house.

I will most likely ALWAYS have an outdoor studio space for those great weather days.

Beaded strings.

These were actually used on my Spring nest creation. 

I found a great price on the books for each participant at Christian Books. 

Now for the last of the glimpses.

The tables. Covered in tattered and frayed cloths (because aren't we all a bit tattered and frayed) 

I did not make this nest. Vicki Boster makes and sells beautiful ones. The link for her can be found in the post referenced at the top of this post. 

That cow in the sunrise --- may be my favorite sunrise picture ever. It's just a fun image. it is not a photo shop image - it's pretty much right off my phone - she just stood there with the sun behind her. 

 My Ocean inspired nest table. Honestly - sometimes the table decor does not work out like you thought - These turned out wonderfully. 

My softly toned Spring inspired nest. 

I am also working on a fall one as well. 

each candle has a different song featured. 

Letting everyone choose their own items from the tables was fun too. 

This may be my favorite image of the entire day. 

Open hands.

Open hearts. 

Open for receiving.

Open for giving.

Simply open.

Life is Beautiful. 

I am blessed. 

Grateful Hope ----I am at a complete loss for words.

I'll be breaking this into several posts - full of photos- and tiny commentary -  with the photos. 

Quick run down.

I had cancer. 

I almost died. 

I got a second chance.

I read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp 

I immediately knew I wanted to share this.

Lots has changed in my life.

This day became MY GIFT to a few ladies who are very special to me. 

And on Saturday October 4th - I gathered my friends and we studied and shared and celebrated.

I have no words for how beautiful this day was.

Invite God into your world.

Answer a call.

Prepare the best you can.

Then leave the rest to Him. 

Life will be proven FULL OF BLESSING. 

Now for the pretty pictures.

This is a bit scattered and there will be more pictures tomorrow.

I snapped this at the beach, the day I finished the Stitchie bits for each of the journals. 

There were symbolic gifts. For each section. Many of these were handcrafted with much prayer as i worked. 

Clothespins covered with decorative paper. 

symbolic of looking a things in a different perspective

These can be used for so much more than hanging clothes. 

Tiny crochet granny squares on tea towels.

Symbolic of Jesus service to the disciples after the Last Supper as he washed their feet. 

The book has a beautiful nest image on the front cover. I crocheted and embellished nests for the table decor. 

(I purchased one nest from VICKI - the ones she makes and sells are simply amazing.

Mine were much more simple. 

There were MILES of yarn and ribbon cut and knotted. 

I poked through my stash over and over. So much joy to share my precious bits and baubles with my friends. 

( the little wired bling came from a corsage that I've had in the laundry room window literally for years.)

There was lace dyed and beads sewn - This is to simulate the ocean waves. 

I created my own patterns for a lot of the items - I called this my SAND DOLLAR

A tiny shorebird perched on the rim of the OCEAN NEST. 

I woodburned slabs with beautiful words. These are natural elements because many blessings are found in nature.

oops - this got out of order - a colorful stack of granny squares for the towels. 

Candles - embellished with stamps - vintage music - lace  - and flowers.

God is our light - we sing praises. 

I shared the Joy Dare with my friends as we finished the day. 

 (you can download your own copy HERE.)

I spent the Friday before the event decorating and praying within the space. That is (VICKI's nest in the photo above.

I sent this image out to remind people about the event. 

Even the coffee stirrers got a little detail treatment. 

What can I say - I wanted everyone to feel special.

I printed and framed sunrises and sunsets. 

A new day begins.

This day is ending.

Life is beautiful. 

Slow down and record the gifts.

Journals covered and embellished. 

I prepared for 15. These lovely eight shared my day. 

Rainbow treasures effect was a happy accident on my phone camera, but these ladies are treasures to me. 

More in the next few days.