Hard Words to Hear

We interrupt the broadcast of the clutter chronicles for this one.

Let's start by saying that I love Patti Dobbs. She is the Mom of FOUR great kids. She is the Youth Minister of our church. She is a wife, a daughter, a sister. She has a heart that I cannot begin to describe. She is physically one of the prettiest people I know. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. AND she is one of my best friends.

But that has not always been the case.

Patti's daughter and my Softball Princess have been schoolmates since first grade - they also played travel ball together for many many years. So we spent a lot of time with each other. I actually invited her to Jones Chapel for an event. Turns out that has been one of my best decisions ever.

This past Sunday Morning, we had no students in the Sunday School Class so we sat and chatted. About big things and little things. The conversation suddenly became focused on our friendship. Patti commented on the changes in my life over the last several years (let's say since I did NOT die from a ruptured kidney caused by cancer). I am sharing this because I want others to see that the public person is not always reality.

Patti shared this

"All those years I would not have called us friends. You were not easy to be around --- actually you were GRUMPY."

You know what ---- Patti was right.

Yet - God has a plan. And now I would call Patti a good friend today.

I was really kinda hurt by the whole conversation. I knew Patti does not have that kind of heart, so I did what I have now learned is my best way to deal with hurt. Don't react in a negative way immediately.  Live with it and make decisions about it. What caused me to feel hurt? What needs to happen to resolve this hurt? What needs to change because of this hurt?

Here is what happened afterwards.

What caused me to feel hurt? At first I would have said --- Patti's words. Then when I lived with it and pondered it. I realized that what hurt most was that it was true. I was hard to be around. Grumpy. Snide. Easily irritated. Quick tempered.

What needed to happen to resolve this hurt? Deeper discussion with Patti. (more on that in a minute)

What needed to change because of this hurt? Actually in this case so much has already changed, that only continuing my current way of day-to-day living has brought about a lot of change already. So I choose to continue on forward.

Now about that deeper discussion.

I am sharing my and Patti's private messaging from later that afternoon. (patti's comments are in white)

I thought later after our conversation that I hoped I didn't hurt your feelings saying that...it is just so dramatically noticeable to me the transformation of pure joy and peace that I see in you now compared to then...and I thought too about you and Marianne always sitting together in your lawn chairs, I was always on the bleachers or pacing cause I was doing good just to get me and the kids and their stuff there much less packing chairs...but I think now if we were to go to a ball game together I would be beside you in a chair crocheting enjoying the sun and cheering on our girls...I love you! and I am so thankful for the love you poured into Chastin and Karlie while you were their youth pastor. I am thankful that Noel looks up to you as an encourager and a seeker of good in everything and I am thankful that you love Noah and are praying for him and me as we go through this journey. thank you for being my friend

it was hard to hear. only because I thought I had it carefully tucked away so no one knew. I was not hurt. your honesty is special and loving. .we got years to crochet. and encourage and pray. I love you and your family.

Sunday 3:56pm

Sunday 9:34pm

Oh Patti I have been reading this again and I had no idea, you thought I had my crap together. I had chairs only because I always left them in the car. I did p pour my love into all those kids, I still do. Noel is special to me in her own way. And Noah is not a bad kid, he and you will survive this. I do love you my friend. Thank you for giving me a chance to be able to say "Patti is one of my very best friends"

I am sharing this only to remember how this affected me - and for the lesson it contains.

I was grumpy for a lot of reasons. But I thought I had it hidden so danged well. From everyone. I also thought that I could (SHOULD) simply wade on through the issues.

Maybe this does tie to clutter busting, because the same issues that caused me to be grumpy, manifested themselves in cluttering way as well.

Patti seemed to have her act together to me and honestly I was a little intimidated by my impression that that was the case. After all she had four kids to get there and feed and watch. And she was almost always smiling and so so cheerful.

I have lived with this entire conversation all week now. And I can say what I have learned from it that I think we all can benefit from reading.

1. Things are often as they seem.

2. Life is big. Life is hard. All of us struggle.

3. Sometimes the person that intimidates us, or aggravates us, or impresses us, may be pretending or struggling or share those same feelings about us.

4. There is always hope that a real friendship might grow.

5. Give that person a chance. Your approaching may be just the thing to change things.

6. Change can ALWAYS happen.

7. There is ALWAYS more to the story.

8. God always knows ----- and has a plan ---- we just have to be willing.


Patti - I am blessed that you are my friend now. I am not hurt at all. Your honesty was / is beautiful.
I Love you.