As 2015 closes ---- a look back

My youngest graduated from college.

She moved to New York.

I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming.

My oldest daughter moved from an apartment into a house.

She had big breakthroughs in her research projects.

She gave credit to the good Lord.

I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. 

Me. 

I have struggled.

Stopped.

Regrouped.

Stumbled.

Got back up.

Started over.

It has been a tough year.

I took lots of beautiful photographs. 

the one above a favorite.

I made lots of projects (finished a few from the past as well) 

And as difficult a year it has been for me (and a certain Crusty Old Guy),

I continue to proclaim

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Photo above courtesy of Molly.

I am a survivor. 

Although I no longer wear that necklace 100% of the time. 

Why? Because I no longer have to remind myself anymore. 

I have gained some weight back. 

How? Enjoying the hell out of life beautiful.

Taking the time to eat dinner with friends.

Or solitude by myself. 

But then came the end of year commitment that I made to Molly.

I may have continued some over indulging on eating, but I honored the agreement to run a half marathon for my 50th birthday. 

Hardest thing I have ever done voluntarily.

But I did it. 

I trained.

I was ready.

Cancer scans first though.

Good news - you don't have cancer.

Bad news - there is a blockage in your kidney.

untreated leads to dialysis and ultimately transplant. 

I have no time for that. 

SO 

I scale back my actual  half marathon approach

run it a little slower than planned

still - I finished in under 4 hours (my personal goal) 

and to protect my kidney through the run. I drank extra and was careful about staying as hydrated as possible. 

3:44:27 

one kidney 

cancer survivor twice

facing surgery when this is all over.

makes me pretty badass I think. 

then surgery.

stent placed. 

follow up. 

didn't work

do over

second surgery

another stent

pray this one works.

today finds me recovering from two kidney surgeries in two weeks

hopefully not facing a third. 

I hate anesthesia

I hate pain meds

I hate being a singular kidney person

I didn't ask for this. 

and today finds me realizing that I can hate it all I want to

But I still have to walk this path. 

Because the alternative really sucks

it also finds me re-committing to be as healthy as I possible can. 

I'll be eating better

exercising better

stress relieving better (this is the biggest reason for my weight gain)

the stress affects the adrenal function negatively. 

because life really is beautiful and I got no desire to stop participating in proclaiming that fact. 

And I am sure there are gonna be some really great moments to collect in the coming year. 

So look out 2016 --- Progress is the word --- this one could shake some people's world

Encourage

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds

                                                                      Hebrews 10:24-25

I turned 49 yesterday. Now I am really pushing one of those BIG birthday numbers. 

A while back, I was talking to the oldest piece of my heart, my daughter Molly.

She is a runner ---- a serious runner. 

She also knows her mom struggles through every single step of a cardio workout. 

During this recent moment of insanity (aka conversation), I may have stepped outside my body and committed to training for a half marathon. 

We are going to Cordova, Alaska for my 50th birthday - to compete in the Salmon Run. July 2015 ------ 

See - I told you it was a moment of insanity ----

This morning I cried --- big crocodile tears slid down my cheeks. 

The picture above is my 49th birthday gift. Made by my runner daughter for me. A gift I cannot use ---- YET. See she plans on mounting my bibb and finishers medal on this board. 

A subtle item of encouragement for me ---- that I can do this. That she believes in me. That she will be there to see me cross the finish line. 

Knowing that she believes I can and will accomplish this - well that gives me courage and willpower to move forward on some life changes I need to make. 

I spent years sacrificing for my girls. Pushing them to be better. To apply themselves to whatever task is at hand. Encouraging them to be the absolute best they can be.  I have not one single regret for loving them enough to sacrifice. Now I see them as young adults and our relationships are growing and changing. This is a beautiful, natural, wondrous occurrence.

So now I,  for so long the encourager, get to accept encouragement (and practical advice) from my daughter. 

That realization is what made me cry. 

For now - that 13.1 plaque --- well it will hold a training plan to get her middle aged mom ready for her greatest midlife physical challenge.

HELLO PEOPLE --- THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

life is beautiful ---- every single day - even those days when you have lost your mind and committed to something CRAZY.