Notes........

I bought a book at our local library booksale.

A Joan Anderson book. (A weekend to change your life)

I read the opening comments and I stopped. A single sentence in the book - stopped me. Why - because that sentence resonated through my entire being.

The sentence "Along the way, I realized that the barbed labels cast my way had very little to do with me." 

And I decided that this book was to be digested and applied in small doses to be pondered and prayed and learned from.

And I looked up the book this morning and read one more line that is profound as well.  "BUT is a stopping word." 
                  as in ..... Sure I would like to BUT I have this other thing.

And now I've really made inroads on changes that I made several months ago.

I struggle with my self - image and the scars associated with cancer taunted me. I struggle with being over weight. I work out regularly - I am getting healthy - its  slow process. And I'm going to share two perspectives.

"Yes, you are overweight, I love you anyway.And I am so glad you are taking the steps to get healthy, BUT the weight you have lost really shows. You look great."

and

You look great. You excite me. I love you. 

The first one - well the little demon in my brain whispers - He loves you and he will love you more when you are even thinner. So work out harder, eat less. Was that the intention - hell no. It was meant to build up - not tear down. Did I see that the demon was awake and working over time? - HELL NO.

The second one never even wakes the damned little demon up.

Looking backwards - I can plainly see how trying to build someone up can easily tear them down. I can also see why resentment and worry and feelings of being inadequate can slowly take apart relationships one tiny little sliver at a time.

I can also see how quickly the word BUT can be used to stop the whole process.

Sure I would love to BUT let me get this event out of the way first. 

or

I know we should go have dinner (lunch, whatever) BUT I need to do this today.

Whoa --- wait.

A healthy look at that would be

Dinner? I've got a few things to finish today. Let me hunker down here and then we'll meet at 6. 
You will help me --- sure that would be fun and we get a jump on time together.

I can see now that I use the word BUT to distract me from dealing with  issues head on. Especially those that made me feel inadequate. I can also see how quickly one tiny word can do that to others. And the destruction of relationships is hardly ever that one big thing. It's a series of little slivers that shave away at it until the total collapse leaves everyone reeling. Been there - done that.

WAKE UP CALL ---- THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAY ---- ESPECIALLY TO MY CHILDREN AND OTHERS THAT I LOVE.

In pondering the decisions I've made, I know some things were mistakes. Some things were necessary. Some things were good for me. Some things were bad for me. Some things were for the best for us all. Some things .... well you know this can go on and on.

Which leads me to where this post started.

The decisions - those are mine.

The mistakes - those are mine too.

I don't need lectures. Judgements. I especially don't need negative feeling build ups.

They are my MISTAKES (and decisions) and if you don't like the ones you know about,  I'm quite sorry but they really aren't yours to deal with anyway.

ETA - this may sound like a very negative post. Its not. It's ME learning how to interact in more positive ways with people. It's ME recognizing things that destroyed me in the past and learning how to prevent that happening again. It's ME hoping that the people who read this can get a better grasp on how tiny negative things destroy and how tiny positives build.


Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.


Yes that one word in there says ALL things. Even the bad decisions and mistakes. 


Now not all people react like I do to these tiny things. I'm just putting this out here to have it for my own healing. But if this resonates with you, please share. Your comments are welcome. 

In the meantime ---- I'm working on eliminating BUT from my vocabulary.