Just a moment of Beauty.

ALLOW HOPE TO GROW ALONGSIDE YOUR WISHES.

COLLECT BLESSINGS ALONG THE WAY. 

REMEMBER THE RAINBOW COMES WHEN THE RAIN ENDS.

LEAVING TINY DROPS OF SPARKLE AMONG THE WEEDS. 

THEN VIEW THE WEEDS AS IF THEY ARE 

WISHFLOWERS.

PHOTO BY ME. 

MY HOW I LOVE THIS CAMERA 

Church in the Wildwood

"There's a church in the valley by the wildwood,"

An afternoon riding the 4 Wheeler.

With the person who knows how much I LOVE old buildings.

We wind up at this old church in Taliafero County, GA.

I was immediately taken by the building and grounds. 

We will start today outside.

I took way too many photos for just one post. 

We parked under the canopy of the most massive pine tree I think I have ever seen. 

I hopped off and grabbed the camera. 

Photos started immediately.

Details I noticed immediately.

It looks abandoned, but the grass is cut around the church and in the cemetery.

The building is suffering from damage, but is at a point that it could be restored.

I'm pretty sure that I've got the most fabulous best friend in the world, with the Crusty Old Guy.

As I walked up I then noticed 

The windows match the vent area in the center front. 

How stunning will this be with those shakes restored.

This would be a beautiful building to live in. 

Oh look at that rust on the tin.

(dang I love me some rusty worn stuff.)

A different angle shows something that Crusty Old Guy pointed out. The two tower rooflines are not the same. 

(Does anyone know the why of that?)

And look at the slight curvature of the porch roof. (Swoon) 

Notice the single door to the right. There is one on the left as well.

As he explored the grounds, I eased up on the porch.

Let the trespassing begin.

I was very cautious. Testing each step up and across carefully. 

Loving that slight pink tint to the double doors.

Antioch Baptist Church

Founded 1886

( checking the history of the church, this building was erected in 1899)

And look, that door is slightly ajar.

(those who know me well know that YES, I went in)

The back of the church has that little addition area. This is the pulpit area and obviously had a different roofline in the past. 

I really LOVE those windows. 

One last detail for today.

Those single doors on either side of the porch.

Restrooms - and quite clearly marked. Handwritten.

If I were to restore this building, I would leave that detail.

If this were a salvaged door, I would use it for a bathroom door and once again I would leave that handwritten detail. 

would you?

Next time we will take a good look around inside ---

Remarkable isn't it. 

Thanks Crusty Old Guy for taking me to visit this place. 

And, because my sunrise and sunset pictures are my claim to fame, here's a beauty ---

Scenes from the Slow Moving Train

I haven't poured me out here in a very long time.

Been still.

Focused on my health a LOT. 

Especially since a new health side trip , left me with some more eating restrictions. 

And now I just found out that those new "keep my kidney healthy" eating guidelines, have led to needs for additional other foods to offset the shortages or vitamins and minerals. Such a fine line to follow. 

But --- the blockages are gone - the new eating guidelines are working and I'll take the next turn on this journey with the attitude I've taken the others with. 

Still - each day I search for beauty. 

Like those brilliant pink blooms in the photo above. 

April will find me paring down my craft "stash" --- I hope to make a dent in that project as I continue to USE, DONATE, TRASH, SELL items from the stash. The sketchbook is full, only time remains the one short ingredient. 

But the orange blaze in the evening sky will call me. And even if time is in short supply, I will pause and savor those moments. 

Love the silhouetted branches against that sky. 

As I am "not even"  a morning person, honoring the commitment to PRAISE GOD FOR EACH NEW DAY, continues to draw me from bed early. Seeking the beauty of the sun as she creeps into the day. 

Many mornings it is just me and birds and a few cattle grazing as she slowly fills the sky with colors. 

And I am quite alright with that. This is alone time --- not the loneliest of times. 

There is time for makes as well. 

Things to celebrate the coming of little ones. 

The adding of a bride or groom to families. 

And since I am now pretty much in charge of the decorating for all of the "shower events" at church, I am creating and using and packing up in an organized fashion, of all the stuff I have gathered over these years. 

The blanket above was deemed "mommy's blanket" even though I made for a new baby about to join us. 

In the midst of a failed sunrise morning, I took this. 

Makes me think of my mama.

She loves the trees, bare of leaves, against an unmarked sky. 

Then there was this day.

Five trailer loads of wood. Cut, split, loaded, unloaded, stacked. 

Firewood warms you several times.

But we got it done all in one day. 

Four men - one me - hard work - no griping by me - can't say that about one of the guys. 

But let me tell you ----- I slept great that night. 

I found love in the sunrise as well. 

A happy little discovery.

I was taking those Silhouette images that I adore so much, reviewing them on the screen, the little heart was just THERE.

And this image just makes my heart sing.

It too was a happy accident. 

The camera focused on the tiny tendrils caught in the barbed wire. 

Such contrast - the hard detail of the fence wire - the delicate vine tendrils - and the softness of the background.  

Just a cool image.

And serenity. 

I am finding that I don't mind time spent truly ALONE.

What I do mind is feeling ALONE and LONELY when there is a person or people around me. 

The image above is an image from a Saturday morning walk. 

Humid mist hanging low to the ground. 

It's a calm and refreshing image to me. 

I can hear the birdsong and a distant woodpecker as I see this again. 

This one from another morning.

I park the car.

Get out and stroll the area - looking for the framing of the photo that seems to fit me. 

I don't mind the dampness.

The cold.

Even rain.

or Sweat. 

I am focused on the view. 

And the story it is telling me. 

Then there is that moment

The one that makes you remember

Remember to be thankful.

Remember that you still have value.

Remember that you are worthy of HIS love and grace. 

And I ALWAYS softly speak gratitude aloud in those moments. 

I had read (on Facebook) so you know it had to be true. 

That the pines display the cross near Easter (you can read a story about this here .)

Well, I had never known this, and I love a great, passed down story) 

I have been searching and watching and hoping I would see this phenomena for myself.

Saturday was drizzly, icky, and I was driving home when I spotted the first one. 

Easter weekend - mind you. 

And there they were --- the Easter crosses in the pine trees.

so of course there was the whole 

turn car around

go back

find a place to park

wander across the field

(yes - trespassing - but I justified it by saying I was praising God) 

and getting soaked as I took photos of those crosses. 

the pines really do know it is Easter. 

There are few photos of me on this sight. 

Funny, for a blog that is really kind of intimate in how I reveal my thoughts, I don't show very many pictures of me. 

But here is one from Easter Sunday. 

After our Easter Cantata performance. 

The very first Easter with neither of my girls there.

A hard day. 

But this guy was there. 

Singing behind me in the choir. 

And his Daughter and most of her family. 

Thank you, Laurie for taking this picture. 

And so many friends who have helped me along this journey. 

Those who are still helping me along this journey. 

I am blessed --- I am blessed --- I am blessed. 

SO SORRY ---- DID NOT MEAN TO DISAPPEAR.

TIME PASSES.

GETS AWAY FROM US.

WORK. CHURCH. WORKOUT. PLAY.

MAKE.MAKE.MAKE.

ALL WONDERFUL - ALL BEING DOCUMENTED AT MY INSTAGRAM

AND MY FACEBOOK. (IT IS JUST SO DANGED EASY)

BUT I AM TAKING TIME TO STOP AND ENJOY THE HAWKS THAT LIVE NEAR ME.

BIG GUYS WHO THINK THEY OWN THE WHOLE PLACE.

AND SINCE GOD TAKES CARE OF THEM, I GUESS THEY DO. 

I LOVE THE STRENGTH AND GRACE THEY HAVE IN THE SKY.

THE WATCHFULNESS AND PATIENCE THEY REPRESENT. 

THE WAY THEY WEATHER THE STORMS.

I LOOK FORWARD TO THE PERSONAL MESSAGE THAT SEEING THEM GIVES ME.

LIKE A REQUESTED SIGN THAT GOD IS THERE WITH ME.

I'M GLAD I HAVE THEM NEAR ME.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE QUIET. 

WORKING. 

PONDERING.

RELAXING.

WORKING ON ME.

AND THINGS. 

RARELY COMPLETELY STILL

BUT IN A PEACEFUL PLACE IN MY HEAD. 

WANTING TO KNOW THAT WHEN I DIE - PEOPLE WILL MISS ME. 

YOU KNOW - THAT MY BEING GONE WILL LEAVE A VOID SOMEWHERE.

AND YET KNOWING THAT LIFE WILL GO ON WITHOUT ME. 

I SURE HOPE MY GIRLS WILL THINK OF ME WITH EVERY SUNRISE AND EVERY SUNSET. 

AND WHEN EVER THEY SEE A HAWK CIRCLE ABOVE THEM 

I CONTINUE MY PHOTOGRAPHY. 

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, RIGHT? 

IT'S SO REWARDING TO SEE THE IMAGES COME UP ON MY BIG SCREEN AND IT BE THAT MOMENT CAPTURED.

I FEEL THE TEMPERATURE.

THE HUMIDITY.

HEAR THE TRAFFIC FROM THAT MOMENT.

SCENTS. MOOD. 

THE STONE FACED LADY ABOVE, I HAVE TAKEN HER PHOTO IN BRIGHT SUN.

CLOUD COVER.

90 DEGREE TEMPS

30 DEGREE TEMPS 

SHE NEVER CHANGES HER EXPRESSION

BUT EACH PHOTO BRINGS ME RIGHT BACK TO THE MOMENT IT IS CAPTURED.

LOVE IT. 

IN ADDITION TO SKYLINE SUNRISE AND SUNSET PHOTOS, I AM DRAWN TO SILHOUETTE SHOTS OF COMMON ITEMS.

NOT SURE WHY, BUT THESE ARE BECOMING SOME OF MY FAVORITE IMAGES. 

MY MOM LOVES THEM TOO. 

AND SPEAKING OF MY MOM ----

THE PHOTO ABOVE MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE. 

YEARS AGO, ON JULY 4TH WEEKEND, MY FAMILY TRAVELLED TO THE MOUNTAINS.

BECAUSE MY DAD PROMISED US GIRLS.

I LEARNED TO SPELL "NO" ON THAT TRIP.

WE COULD NOT FIND A PLACE TO STAY. AND EVERYONE WAS TIRED AND FRUSTRATED. 

WE ENDED UP STAYING AT A PLACE THAT EVEN MAMA COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE IT WAS.  

ONLY THE NAME OF IT. 

SO - I BOUGHT A NEW CAR THIS PAST AUGUST.

AND ON A RAINY SATURDAY, I TOOK MY MAMA ON A ROAD TRIP.

WE LAUGHED - WE THRIFTED - JUNKED - ATE. - EVEN FOUND A YARN STORE. 

NEAR THERE ----

AS WE PASSED PISGAH VIEW CHURCH

SHE SAID "HOW DID YOU FIND IT?"

MY QUESTION BACK

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GUYS FIND IT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 

IT WAS DRIZZLY AND COOL THAT DAY, BUT AS WE CROSSED THE LITTLE FOOTBRIDGE OVER THE CREEK, THE MEMORIES I THOUGHT MIGHT JUST BE CREATED IN MY MIND FROM THE STORIES, PROVED TO BE TRUE.

DETAILS FILLED IN.

WE WANDERED THE GROUNDS OF PISGAH VIEW RANCH, REMEMBERING. 

I SNAPPED THAT PHOTO.

LOCKING THAT MEMORY INTO MY BRAIN (AND CAMERA) 

A FABULOUS DAY FOR TAKING THAT NEW CAR ON A ROADTRIP. 

I AM SO GLAD I TOOK THE TIME.

I DON'T HAVE TO PONDER --- EVERY SUNRISE, EVERY SUNSET, EVERY CROCHET STITCH, EVERY VINTAGE DISH, EACH TIME I PULL THAT QUILT UP ACROSS MY SHOULDER, YES EVERY ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND THOUSANDS MORE WILL CAUSE ME TO REFLECT ON HOW MUCH I LOVE MY MAMA. 

I'LL BE BACK SOON --- 

REMEMBER ----

LIFE IS CRAZY BEAUTIFUL

As 2015 closes ---- a look back

My youngest graduated from college.

She moved to New York.

I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming.

My oldest daughter moved from an apartment into a house.

She had big breakthroughs in her research projects.

She gave credit to the good Lord.

I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. 

Me. 

I have struggled.

Stopped.

Regrouped.

Stumbled.

Got back up.

Started over.

It has been a tough year.

I took lots of beautiful photographs. 

the one above a favorite.

I made lots of projects (finished a few from the past as well) 

And as difficult a year it has been for me (and a certain Crusty Old Guy),

I continue to proclaim

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Photo above courtesy of Molly.

I am a survivor. 

Although I no longer wear that necklace 100% of the time. 

Why? Because I no longer have to remind myself anymore. 

I have gained some weight back. 

How? Enjoying the hell out of life beautiful.

Taking the time to eat dinner with friends.

Or solitude by myself. 

But then came the end of year commitment that I made to Molly.

I may have continued some over indulging on eating, but I honored the agreement to run a half marathon for my 50th birthday. 

Hardest thing I have ever done voluntarily.

But I did it. 

I trained.

I was ready.

Cancer scans first though.

Good news - you don't have cancer.

Bad news - there is a blockage in your kidney.

untreated leads to dialysis and ultimately transplant. 

I have no time for that. 

SO 

I scale back my actual  half marathon approach

run it a little slower than planned

still - I finished in under 4 hours (my personal goal) 

and to protect my kidney through the run. I drank extra and was careful about staying as hydrated as possible. 

3:44:27 

one kidney 

cancer survivor twice

facing surgery when this is all over.

makes me pretty badass I think. 

then surgery.

stent placed. 

follow up. 

didn't work

do over

second surgery

another stent

pray this one works.

today finds me recovering from two kidney surgeries in two weeks

hopefully not facing a third. 

I hate anesthesia

I hate pain meds

I hate being a singular kidney person

I didn't ask for this. 

and today finds me realizing that I can hate it all I want to

But I still have to walk this path. 

Because the alternative really sucks

it also finds me re-committing to be as healthy as I possible can. 

I'll be eating better

exercising better

stress relieving better (this is the biggest reason for my weight gain)

the stress affects the adrenal function negatively. 

because life really is beautiful and I got no desire to stop participating in proclaiming that fact. 

And I am sure there are gonna be some really great moments to collect in the coming year. 

So look out 2016 --- Progress is the word --- this one could shake some people's world

2016 approaches ----- one word 2015 recap

I chose SEEK as my word for 2015.

These words described various things I would seek 

I will SEEK 

better health

better living

more beauty

ways to accomplish goals

better relationships

more grace

more strength

growth

I will seek purpose

joy

time

kindness / and ways to be kind

Opportunity to be generous

wisdom

SO many things to SEEK

And I sought and I found. 

I ran my first half marathon - that was grueling. But I trained hard and I met my goals to complete it. 

Nothing like your daughter meeting you at the finish line to drape your medal around your neck. 

I took literally thousands of stunning photos.

I directed a wedding and gave the bride some special moments.

I sought opportunity to give - share - love. 

It has been a full and beautiful year. 

Here at the closing of the year, a medical issue came to light. 

After losing a kidney, I have to be very proactive on taking care of my remaining one. 

Scans show a blockage.

So we dealt with that and now I am on the road to that recovering.

And I made decisions that made others unhappy with how I dealt with this.

But you know what - I never felt alone this time.

That was one thing I sought as well - improved relationships. 

As 2016 approaches I have been pondering my word for the year. 

I think it will be 

PROGRESS

I want to see progress in my life.

I want to see progress in simplifying.

I want to see progress in my health 

I want my relationships to show progress. 

My health

My faith

So much potential.

So PROGRESS it will be. 

The photos are mine.

I hit the Jones Chapel parking lot at just the right time for those last two. 

Brilliant morning light just kissing the steeple. 

I love this image. 

I love my life.

It is quite beautiful every single day.

Looks like I have made some PROGRESS already. 

Brutal Honesty About my Cancer 19 and 6 Years Out

 

yesterday I had scans.

 

 

I worked hard to be ready for the day off work.

 

 

I drank water and coffee diligently in order to be hydrated and have a full bladder.

 

 

I hoped like hell I didn't cough or sneeze, because, I have had two children and we know how that works.

 

Did I mention that I have had a cold?

Go ahead and process that.

 

Sign in for said scan process to start.

Find out that No One chose to let me in that I was supposed to drink the Barium stuff starting two hours before said scan.

Now that would have been helpful.

 

Oh and lets mention that No One called to inform me that I even had scans scheduled.

 

I learned of it from the insurance approval letter.

 

I then called and learned that I had missed the original appointment.

 

Again that same No One found that unimportant.

 

I had bloodwork in that same lab on the day of the original scan appointment.

At least they tried to be considerate of my time.

 

But the receptionist nor the vampire chose to look at the full record about why I was there.

And the vampire cruised right thru my vein.

Bruised much .......uh yup.

 

Now new day.... not as prepared as I thought.

 

Off to the hospital I go

With my smoothie from hell.

Berry smoothie my ass.

 

Check in for a chest xray.

Walk in is how they describe it.

Again ..... oh my aching ass.

Walk in.... check with first receptionist... be beeped thru a door.... sign in on an iPad that refuses to believe I know my birthdate...... get the nice lady to help me verify my birthdate..... "yes ma'am I'm quite sure this is correct." ....... have a seat...... 45 minutes later... walk to another receptionist..... again give my credentials to prove that I am Teresa Atkinson and that, yes that is my correct birthday.... have another 45 minute seat.... allowing me time to finish that damned smoothie flavored bottle of crap....... finally hear my name called and respond to a nice young man who escorts me into the xray wing.... and yes that is my name and my correct birthdate....... please change into this pretty fashion statement gown. ....... face here..... hold onto these handles.... all good. ...... yes I had to wait all that time for a 30second procedure....... how effing convenient is this crap.

 

Drive back to first lab...... have had two hours worth of berry  smoothie in my gut...... sign in ......that damned date again.

 

"Mrs Atkinson we are ready...... can you verify your birthdate......."

 

Its raining.... its 3pm....I have not eaten.....I am frustrated beyond measure aaaand she gets the iv needle against a valve and in trying to adjust the needle she blows the vein.

 

Frustration level two......

 

Finally get iv working.

 

Inject glow juice....... in and out..... take a deep breath.... hold it.... now breathe. Again. Again. Again. All done. But "you might want to ice that vein"

 

 

Now .........

 

Wait for two weeks....... worry like hell if they find something ......frustration level three.

 

Here's  the deal

 

I did not want to be a cancer survivor

But I am.

I did not want major parts of my daily life to be forever changed.

But they are.

I did not want to lose friends because of how cancer changed me and how I live each day.

But it happened.

I did not want to deal with a lot of this alone for a long time.

But I did.

I did not sign up to be inconvenienced on a regular basis by a medical system that doesn't understand that fact.

But I deal with it and the way it works.

I damn well did not sign up for the hurry up and worried wait that is the norm in the medical community.

That shit needs fixing.

 

I an a cancer survivor.

For that I am forever grateful.

But as a cancer survivor, I am regularly exposed to the medical / insurance culture.

Honestly ..... it really sucks.

Hurry up.

More people thru.

Wait.

No your insurance says you have to here for this test.

Yes you need this scan, but you have to go to this lab for that.

 

It could work this way...... blood work, chest xray, scans. Mrs Atkinson heres what we need.....

 

You will do all this right here in this lab on this date.

You'll need to drink contrast. Would like to pick it up here, or should we mail it to you? Yes your insurance has been approved. Good to go.

Please wear comfortable clothing the day of. You can bring a sleep shirt or gown, or we will have one you can change into easily here. Thank you so very much. The doctor will get with you in a few days (not two weeks) with your results. Yes ma'am I know this is stressful.

 

Just recognize me.

Make the process as stress free as possible.

 

Until then, i'll be over here icing this throbbing blown out vein and crying because adrenal fatigue is causing me to hurt all over.

 

 

Now.... please don't send tacky gram nastiness.

I am grateful that I am a survivor.

The rant is about the lack of a compassionate medical culture and process.

Each person I dealt with yesterday was an individual who was nice and professional.

They all treated me with respect.

My care group is excellent.

But it is frustrating to have five different visits for testing and a full month of waiting to find out if I remain a survivor.

Or if I will have to fight that cancer demon again.

And yes I turned 50 on Bastille Day 2015
It will take a little effort, but you can figure out my birthdate from that information.

Then I won't have to know it. You can tell me what it is.
 

 

Life is still beautiful.