one word --- recap and new word.

A praying hawk.

About the photo. I've been collecting cell phone sunrises and sunsets for a long time now. I also LOVE hawks. The day we lost Andrew, the sunset was glorious, but I didn't have any desire to take that picture. Blessings were hard to see at that moment. That evening I got a facebook message from my Aunt Becky, inquiring about my well-being and telling me how much she enjoyed the sunrises and sunsets that I posted. (I've not heard from Becky in many years - coincidence - I don't think so) Others thanked me that night for my photos and my general positive outlook and spoke of me being inspiring to them. Then a Christmas card from a longtime friend spoke of them as well.  In conversation with my Partner in Crime (aka Crusty Old Guy who also loved Andrew), I was sharing these events and said - maybe I need to seriously collect sunrise sunset photos. So as we were leaving the funeral home to go the graveside, he presented me with a new camera and said "this should make the collecting easier." That hawk photo above was taken from well over 100 yards across a field. I'm not sure where I'll be going with this collecting, but I sure do love the camera. I took some of my Christmas money and added a tripod to the mix. Look for many more "moments" being recorded. 

I chose the word INTENTION for 2014

I needed an action inducing word, but one that required thought and not just reacting to the events around me.

I got exactly what I asked for. 

Much change occurred in 2014.

Some good.

Some .... well you know how that works. 

I've cleaned parts of my house with INTENTION and so much stuff is gone.

I've been much more INTENTIONAL about decisions in my life and that is a very good thing. 

I've made financial decisions with INTENTION.

Health decisions.

Relationship decisions. 

It's been a good year for me. 

2015 is almost here.

I've a plan to collect some things.

I've a plan to create some things.

I've a plan to move forward with some things. 

And in studying and pondering and wandering and worrying

I have chosen the word that keeps haunting me. 

For 2015 I will

SEEK

I will SEEK 

better health

better living

more beauty

ways to accomplish goals

better relationships

more grace

more strength

growth

I will seek purpose

joy

time

kindness / and ways to be kind

Opportunity to be generous

wisdom

SO many things to SEEK

And I'm betting by the end of 2015 - all this seeking might just lead me to finding out more about myself

Go ahead - pick a word for yourself. 

and

since you are here

enjoy the sunrise

Merry Christmas

I am vulnerable right now.

My attitude about Christmas as the celebration of excess is negative. 

Gimme stuff, shopping for stuff, gifting of stuff

decorate the tree, wrap the stuff, sit together under that tree and open the stuff

throw away the packaging and wrapping of the stuff

watch as the stuff gets tucked in a drawer - ignored

watch as the stuff gets - set on a shelf  - to collect dust. 

Stuff. 

Last week we lost a loved one. 

Friday we paid our respects to one of the most gracious families I know. 

Saturday, we said goodbye to that loved one. 

Sunday morning found me standing at his grave.

Coming to terms with how this has affected me. 

Then later singing the praises of the newborn King to an audience

that included the Strickland family. 

I cannot begin to describe how it felt to turn around and see them. 

But these words come to mind

Beauty

Sadness

Peace

Struggle

Love

Commitment

Fear

Uncertainty

Faith

Full

Grace

Then the program

and a little Angel kneeling over a doll in a handmade manger

Symbolizing that even the Angels worshipped the new King. 

A teenager playing Mary

who really had no desire to portray that character

(but much like the real Mary made the choice to do this for Jesus)

A man who fought back through addiction portraying Joseph

(a man that I love very much who gave he and his dad a chance at relationship)

(and much like Joseph had no idea what his family was going to look like) 

A merry stage of misfits choosing to sing the good news

(I am one of those misfits - and I am blessed to be a child of the King) 

A room full of observers.

Some full of beauty and grace.

Some wandering in darkness and confusion

Some even cynical at this time

Here's where I am this Christmas

Broken

Blessed

Fearful

Trying

Going through the motions

Wishing things were different

Wondering what happens next

Trying to move forward in life

Battered

Bruised

Sad

Happy

Wanting for something more meaningful

Searching for something

Not knowing what that something might be. 

And as I write this, I realize that those characters

in the reality of the Christ Child's Birth

so many years ago.

They were just like I am today.

Uncertain of the significance

of the future

of the plan

But knowing that life is miraculous

and that the Christ Child is come. 

We all need the Saviour

He's here.

Listen.

Respond. 

GRACE

LET'S ALL GIVE THAT TO ONE ANOTHER.

Gone - but not forgotten

The blessings were hard to find at that moment. 

Slowly we are finding them again.

These are our kids.

Jones Chapel's kids.

That's ANDREW STRICKLAND in the white t-shirt and sunglasses. 

He had a ready smile.

A kindness about him

An appreciation for life that one gets when you fight illness from childhood. 

He was sick.

Then a miracle. A liver was available. The transplant was happening

and he was soon recovering and looking forward to being home for Christmas.

Yesterday - emails - texts

An infection.

ICU

Fear.

and last night his precious family and all of us who love him

had to tell Andrew goodbye. 

The blessings were hard at that moment and the moments that follow

But slowly God sends reassurance that we are in HIS care.

Maybe the reassurance is immediate

Only our ability to see it is slow.

We want to know why.

We want our small view of the situation to be clear.

We want to make sense of losing a 17 year old

One of the really good kids in the world. 

I found my reassurance in words that Andrew posted on his Instagram account

We all have days where 

we feel we can't survive. 

Sometimes dreams are shattered

Friendships may fall apart

Loved ones may hurt us

Finances may worry us

Sickness may overtake us

We may even lose people we love

But God will ALWAYS be there to guide us through

even the toughest of times.

Never lose FAITH

Hold onto HOPE

TRUST IN GOD ALWAYS

Even in losing Andrew

he left us better people for having known him

Rest in Peace

Andrew Strickland

12-17-2014

You made a difference in my life

You are loved.

EDITED- Thursday afternoon. I can see that this link is being shared. Thank you all for that. If you have come here from a link on Facebook, please leave a few words in the comments section for the family. If you are a regular reader here and would like to leave messages as well. I will print these and get them to Andrew's precious family. I so appreciate the prayers and good wishes expressed for the family and I know they will appreciate them as well. 

Make sure your loved ones know how much they mean to you.
In Michelle's words --- "it all happened so fast." and "in the blink of an eye our world was turned upside down"

And so it is Christmas....

Jones Chapel UMC Family Life Center

it felt like old times last night

early on there was a buzz of activity

the moving of tables and chairs

bringing the poinsettias from the church sanctuary

laughter as a team worked together to get ready for a series of Christmas gatherings in this building

the building - a dream of Buddy Coile from MANY MANY years ago.

he started a small savings budget for this building and the quiet dream grew and grew

now we gather here to worship and celebrate many moments.

I was a part of the team getting this ready

have been for many years

and just like so many times

Last night I found myself finishing up a detail or two in this building alone

and suddenly it becomes Christmas for me

it has happened like this so many times

in the quiet

hustle and bustle of the workers now finished

doors locked

me padding around in sock feet - tying this bow, turning a flower to face correctly

sweeping the floor

wiping off a table

preparing to celebrate the BABY

and every single time

i feel the emotion

a young pregnant girl

a man not sure what to do

both not knowing how to proceed

both hearing and leaning on the angel's delivered words

TRUSTING

that GOD has this all planned

an innkeeper - no room - but offering what he has

a stable - animals - but fresh straw

think about that

a barn - animals moving

the scents of farm life

and fresh straw

not exactly a royal place is it

a Babe

born in the night

wrapped in swaddling cloths

laying in the feed tray

Wise Men

they studied the writings

studied the skies

noticed the new star

knew that was a sign

left to seek what the sign must be

hoping that it was fulfilling the promise of HOPE proclaimed

and shepherds

watching the sheep in the field 

a fire amid them

maybe food being served

not prepared at all for a sudden appearance 

of ANGELS

then simply leaving those fields and immediately coming to see the infant

and then telling EVERYONE they encountered 

about their ANGEL encounter

and about the BABE

that's where I found myself 

where I find myself every single year

in the still

the quiet

the post decor frenzy

sitting

recalling the story

waiting 

waiting for the CHRIST CHILD

and wondering what my role will be in the story

Last night a single tear

dropped onto the sheet of the manger

was it joy

or sadness

or some of both

and some of so much more

I do know for sure

I prayed for much

and many

I prayed thanksgiving

and grace

and strength

and hope

I prayed again that all can see

the gift of the Christ Child was meant for you and me. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

not one damned thing "snarky" in this post --- happy?

I was snarky yesterday.

I offended someone.

I am sorry. 

This is where I am real. 

Funny, I pondered the response I got after yesterday's post. 

And I decided, again, that I've made choices that people do not agree with.

I've made choices that people do not understand. 

And the biggest choice I made was to stop doing something. 

That something is hidden in a thought that I have resisted posting anywhere 

"Why do we spend so much time and energy trying to be what we THINK others want us to be? Shouldn't we spend that time and energy being our true selves?

At what point do we lose who we really are?

At what point does that projected persona become US?

And when our true self screams and then fights the way out, and those people who are watching

think we have suddenly changed, their defenses go into action.

So becoming our true selves hurts those we care about, not out of intention to do harm, but because the sudden realization is not easy to adjust to.

They react - we react - and the cycle starts again.

Our true selves really are a combination of all our environment and influences. 

And, in reality, we get to choose what to keep and what to refuse. 

So we are who we are because of our reactions to our environment."

Now how is that for talking in a circle?

(the nest above is my creation. Happy with how that turned out ---- yes MUCH)

I thought a lot about the response I got and decided to not be snarky here (well, I will try not to be).

So, in essence I've decided to measure my words carefully in order not to hurt feelings. 

Why? Because that is NOT who I want to be perceived as. 

Friends please take note: This is a very conscious decision. Not an offhanded reaction. 

What I will try to do is.

Include my survivor story - again and again - in hopes that even one person can be encouraged by that and choose to fight hard to survive their own battles.

Share my appreciation of all the ways I have been blessed.

Look at the sunrise and count it as a new opportunity to count and add blessings with each new day.

Snuggle with children who fill my life so wonderfully. 

Sing - dance - laugh - pray

Alone and with those who will do those things with me.

Cry - scream - cuss - drink

Alone or with someone who will let me rant and not try to FIX it.

(I'll try to keep these moments from here - I want your life to feel beautiful to and my negative energy doesn't add to anyone's beauty)

Run - write names on my shoes - try to pound those names into the ground.

Sweat - those drops are as important as tears. 

(and last night that run was really good thinking time - and kept me from firing off in an inappropriate manner) 

Spend time with my girls, my mama, my friends.

Work hard every day to be better than I was yesterday. 

Find my centered "place".

I'm working on it. 

I do know that Serenity Field has that effect on me. 

Much like Day Chapel did when I struggled with my first cancer diagnosis. 

Appreciate the deer. 

Oh my, running alongside those that are not afraid of me is truly magical. 

Gather fallen feathers and realize that angels come in all shapes, sizes and colors and let those feathers represent that to me. 

(side trip - did you know it is illegal to have those - oops) 

I'll continue to make things. 

Of course I will, for that really is a part of who I am

I will try not to let that little inner voice tell me how ugly I am, how weird I am, how I don't handle things correctly, how my heart is wrong in what I feel.

I will listen to the whispers that say you got this thing, you are gonna be just fine, your hair looks fabulous today, relax you know this all works out in the end, and you can have all kinds of peace, love, and joy surrounding you.

Tonight will find me at a funeral visitation, paying respect and offering condolences to a family.

Today finds me praying for my buddy, Charlie, as he recovers from an accident that has left him battered and bruised, but alive and thankful.

Tonight, I will sit at a table and share a good meal surrounded by love and laughter, story, and looking towards the future.

Today finds me praying for Andrew, which is a hard prayer as he awaits a liver transplant and in order for that to happen, someone loses a loved one and makes hard decisions.

Tonight, I will wonder at the blessings of the day.

Today, I will wonder at the blessings of the day. 

Today, I thank you for pointing out who I am not and who I do not want to be. 

I am sorry, I was snarky.

I will reign that behavior in.

And you can know you had that influence on me and that I reacted in a positive manner. 

Living With intention

Boy, it has been a year. 

As I approach the Thanksgiving Holiday, I am finding myself pondering if I have lived my word of the year. 

I think I have. 

I haven't posted about it a lot. 

I haven't really even consciously thought about it much.

But I have lived it. 

INTENTION. 

(with purpose to succeed) 

I have two blogs. This one and my crafty one. 

The crafty one is easy to look at and quite easy to read through again and again. 

To see what I have made and why.

This one -- hell, this one is grueling to read. 

Some days are good day, some not so much. 

But I have made huge strides in conquering demons of all kinds.

The result - I have a space that refreshes me. 

A place that allows me to rest.

A circle that accepts who I am right here and right now. 

I want these people around me. 

They feel good. 

(and because I'm having a snarky moment)

(they like that damned blue outfit a LOT)

Now about that place.

Let's define what I want there a little closer. 

I want it to be a sanctuary for me and loved ones.

To be welcoming and ready for those who want to spend time there. 

I failed that miserably in the past and in the very cluttered present. 

Why - because there is so much crap there, that I had no business having and should definitely NOT held on to. 

But each item temporarily filled a gaping hole in my soul. 

Add in the stuff I kept for whatever sentimental reasons I gave. 

Here's a reality.

I kept three porcelain dolls all these years. 

They belonged to my children. 

Those same children who HATED those dolls. 

They called them creepy. 

So this past Saturday, I got rid of the dolls.

Sent the girls a text saying "the creepy dolls are gone" 

I got a text back.

One word.

"GOOD"

Yes, I got rid of them and life did not fall apart.

Now - to attack the rest of this stuff. 

I pick each item up.

Ponder carefully.
Then - with INTENTION - I determine if I want it in my life.

If not, I either give, sell, or toss it. 

And each decision makes me feel lighter and lighter. 

INTENTION

the 2014 word of the year. 

Now to ponder my word for 2015. 

A Peaceful Season

The picture has nothing to do with the post.

I just love the old bridge structure so much. 

I continue to purge.

Good for my sanity. 

Amazingly very good. 

It is also HARD WORK. 

I have gathered (also known as hoarded)  for so many years.

As I go through the things, I can remember some of the ideas I had when I collected the items. 

Then today, as I was reading blogs, I read this

Physical clutter promotes mental, spiritual, and creative clutter, and at the beginning this mini journey, I already feel as though I can breathe again.

Kim Laws

I have spent years trying to fill that damned hole in my soul with STUFF. 

I hardly noticed that was what was happening. 

April 2010 - that all began to change.

I was unhappy.

stuffing STUFF into my home.

Into the studio space (the one that never really got finished)

And I watched it unfold as I took on the demons.

It has almost been like watching a movie, only I know the cast of characters so well. 

All this to say.

Last night I quietly worked ALONE.

Towards finishing a project.

I could see progress - held in a sandwich sized plastic bag

I repeatedly picked that bag up and smiled

I have had this project sitting for years. 

Then in cleaning out a box, I found a second started but either I burned out or I set aside the materials, project. 

I have not added it to the list of 

STUFF I AM FINISHING.

These two projects

are but a tiny drop in my bucket for the digging, purging, finishing, unpacking, dealing with

pile of crap in my home. 

The funny thing.

As I am finishing these projects

and

making a list of additional things I wish to accomplish.

And getting rid of that I can now see that I WILL NEVER USE. 

I am feeling much more at PEACE than I have in years

Will I stumble - I'm sure.
Will I fall - well that too.
Am I afraid - sometimes
Can I survive - I have so many things.

this PEACE feels like it goes to the core of my being.

I sure hope I can hang on to it.

LIFE IS CRAZY BEAUTIFUL.

Contented..........

Sorry about the quality of that image. Cell phone - pitch dark.

Thursday night found us running and watching the deer graze. Magical does not even begin to describe it. Big full moon. Exercise outdoors. Deer unafraid. Simply beautiful.

Then Friday came - and some things are finally falling into place at work - I had dinner with some of my favorite folks (and man they can cook, too) They was relaxing by the fire. Just what is it about a campfire that is so entrancing?

Saturday found me alone, but not lonely. I used to feel as if I NEEDED my life full of activity or full of stuff to be fulfilled. As I am making big changes in my world, I am making peace with what I own vs what I use and in doing so, I am simplifying my stuff. This means clearing - purging - using up. The items I am keeping truly are used or they really make me happy to have around. Meaning - they don't feel like clutter.

On Sunday Morning, I left early - took myself to a favorite place - and worshipped and counted blessings and cleared my mind and organized some things. I stood and deeply inhaled the cool fall air. Took a long look around. And fully realized that, right then and there, I was rich. I had no needs that were not being met. I didn't feel as if I needed some item to make me happy.

Simple as that ---- I was CONTENT and HAPPY.

My adrenal fatigue was minimal -(there is a direct correlation between the absence of stress and my fatigue diminishing). I sat and I worked on those tiny yo-yo's  and I prayed for the entire Atkinson crew. Prayers for happiness and peace, joy amidst the stresses of life, for forgiveness and grace. I also prayed thanksgivings for them all. There were moments of - "God, I just do not know what to say or do with this."  and those moments were answered with the feelings of  "let Me love you through it."

It was a peaceful, easy feeling time for me. Christmas Cantata music playing in the background proclaiming the birth of the Savior.

I do not know where these feelings are leading, but I do know that I want this to be the case more and more often.

Life is quite beautiful and I want to shout that until everyone around me can see it too.

We sang this at Church and I thought of my collection of sunrises and I thanked him again and again.

Then lunch that included a surprise --- a surprise that made my heart smile.

All in all - a weekend that was simply full. Beautifully full.

(Softball Princess also volunteered a hug and shared a sunset with me ---- honestly, that may have been the most beautiful moment of Saturday)

LIFE - IS  - BEAUTIFUL.

Mama Norvan's PayDay Box of memories

We knew her as Mama Norvan.

She was special to us all. 

Today I am especially thankful for hours spent with her.

We cleaned out the house after she left us.

I have issues with hoarding keeping things that may be sentimental. 

So as we were cleaning, we found a PayDay candy bar box with the materials for making YO-YO Wreath Ornaments and I took it home (imagine that). 

The Grandchildren all have these ornaments that she made for us. 

Those are sentimental to me. 

And for 19 years now that box has languished in storage. Stuck here. Moved there. You get the picture. 

My word for 2014 has been INTENTIONAL. 

It has been a good word to choose. 

I have made decisions based on this word and completed projects because of the focus it has brought. 

I am cleaning, purging, simplifying my "STUFF" and I happened upon this box again in the last few days , but this time I picked it up and dumped it out. 

This is the photo I posted on Instagram. 

The fabric is polyester. 

I think that means it has at least a million year half life. 

There were some circles already cut.

I used those for a pattern and traced and cut the remaining fabric into circles.

There were needles and thread and even some of the ribbon she cut into hangers for these. 

The strength and spirit of Mama Norvan poured out of the box and surrounded me. 

memories, some beautiful, some bittersweet,  ALL FULL OF LOVE,  hung in the air as I worked. 

The box was damaged and deteriorated, so I sorted and cleaned out bits and tossed the dregs into the trash. I took all the circles - added a few plain cotton balls - the thread,  the few already completed yoyo bits and put them in a plastic box. 

As I waited for choir practice time last night, I started to stitch the yoyo bits. No pressure to finish anything. (hello - I have had this stuff for nearly 20 years - why put pressure on it now) 

 Just a few moments of relaxing stitching. 

A few moments of thinking about life.

About strength.

About grace.

About hope.

My life is changing.

I am finding who I am.

Girls gone onto the next phases of their lives. 

As I discover the serenity within me and seek ways to be centered and peaceful, 

I am finding that I really do like me.

There are side effects of this

I crave being in places that fill me

I crave being around people who build up.

I crave simplicity.

I seek moments to record the blessings of. 

I am blessed beyond measure. 

I will be working my way through this box of STUFF. 

Attempting to create a few of the ornaments. 

Spending time with pleasant memories of a great lady that I loved dearly.

Seems I was right --- this HOARDED box was quite full of sentimental stuff. 

What about that? 

YESTERDAY

10-26-2014

THE 18TH ANNIVERSARY OF MY FIRST RE-BIRTHDAY

I CELEBRATED

THERE WAS BREAKFAST

THERE WAS CHILI

THERE WAS A HAYRIDE

THERE WERE KIDS

THERE WAS A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON WHO HELPED DRIVE THE TRACTOR

THERE WAS THE UNLOADING OF HAY

THERE WAS LAUNDRY

THERE WAS LAUGHTER

THERE WAS JOY

THERE WAS NO MENTION

FORTUNATELY, I DIDN'T EXPECT ONE

SEE, I DID MOST OF THAT JOURNEY ALONE.

LOT'S OF THE SECOND ONE TOO

NOT ANYMORE

BECAUSE - WELL - TRACTOR DRIVER

THE "FWEND" OF THE FIRE BREATHING DRAGON

HE WON'T LET ME.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

IT IS OK ------

He simply wrapped his arms around me. 

as the tears slowly fell

and I poured out

took my mask off

afraid of what I was saying

completely unable to stop the torrent of words spilling out

I laugh easily in public

even about my weight

and here I was completely vulnerable

spilling insecurity after insecurity

what he did - changed everything

he tilted my chin and said

"no one else can or will ever do what you do for me"

pulled me close again and let me simply rest in those words 

**************************************************************

Thats the simple version of the story. 

Truth is - it was emotionally, mentally, and physically one of the most draining 

conversations I have ever had. 

But it was also on of the most freeing ones EVER. 

I write it to share what was handled right in this discussion

I was right to face the fear and share my insecurities.

He was right to listen carefully.

He didn't try to fix my insecurity.

He didn't try to use endless words to build me up. (which often sound like bullshit)

I poured out my heart.
He spoke from his.

Simple
Affirming
Real
Hard
Velveteen Rabbit Stuff

I struggle to this day with my weight.
But that day's conversation stays with me.
Keeping me plugging away at trying to become more healthy.
And to look better.
And the knowing that everything will be ok,
well that is a super way to live every day.

Oh - and no one else can ever do what he does for me.

****************************************************

DISCLAIMER - this is not a sexual story at all.

It is the story of a partnership.

Where both people are truly interested in keeping the partnership healthy.

I know I am a large girl.
I KNOW that losing some weight would be best for my health.
At that moment, I needed to just BE.
Then I could pick myself up and go on.

NOTE TO MEN - honesty about her weight is important.
But honesty about her being special is even more.
Don't you dare just tell her
Dammit - be sure you show her.
Don't hide her
Don't try to make her be "your ideal"
Love her where she is right now
Gently show her how freaking awesome she really is.

Think about the phrasing and the long term impact of your words.

It makes a difference.

Freedom?????

Hey there. 

I have a problem.

I need to talk about it. 

Actually - I have talked about it.

Over and over and over.

I kinda think there are lots of us out there with a very similar problem. 

Hell - there's even a show based on the issue. 

*****************************************

I have TOO MUCH STUFF. 

I have so much junk in my house. 

In my barn. 

In my studio.

In my attic. 

It is everywhere.

********************************************

In making some lifestyle changes. 

I have found myself carefully evaluating what I have versus what I use. 

I am slowly (GOD so slowly) ridding myself of extraneous stuff. 

Now here is the issue. 

The "hoarding" is actually a symptom of the real issues. 

I suffer from whatifineedthisstufflater

and from thisisgreatstufftherewillbeaperfectprojectforit

and ohbutmollyandabbymaywantthisinthefuture

as well as soandsogavethistomesoishouldkeepitforsentimentalreasons.

I so hope others struggle with these issues like I do. 

I am trying so hard to organize things and the realization is

I do NOT need better organization.

I NEED LESS STUFF. 

****************************************************

Let's just go over a few things. 

Sweet little vacation cabin.

Relaxed atmosphere.

Great food.

Lovely moments.

Rest.

Wait.......

Shouldn't home feel like that too?

That cabin has very little "stuff" in it. 

So very little time and effort is required to maintain it.

Quick dinner (simple foods - prepared well - shared with beauty) 

Clean up happens in less than 10 minutes.

Then a glass of wine by the window - or on the porch - or while strolling a path - or walking the beach. 

Shouldn't home feel like that too? 

******************************************************

At my house - I have to clear off this to accomplish that - then put it all back to then do the other. 

It's CONSTANT.

It's EXHAUSTING

It's OVERWHELMING.

It's EMBARRASSING. 

and I need to apologize to my children about it all. 

So 

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT ALL THIS? 

**********************************************************

Start by actually letting go of some stuff. 

See the two tables in the picture below.

Church yard sale.

I piled up two tables full of stuff. 

When it was all said and done - I only brought home the Ski Bibbs and Jacket and a few magazines. 

I did bring a bag of books home, but those will be donated to a local jail as soon as I see my sister. 

What did not sell in the clothing was packed up and sent to a local clothes closet. 

I also dumpstered some of the boxes this was hauled in as well as a few things that literally were JUNK.

As I walk past the place these boxes have been sitting, I can breathe. 

I did not expect that. 

Sadly, this didn't even make a dent in the stuff I have hoarded. 

I also created an entire women's event using my studio stash.

Guess what - you cannot even tell that I pulled this stuff out.

All of this to say.

I continue to fight the issues. 

I continue to make tiny progress each and ever day. 

And I will celebrate the feeling that the empty spaces will bring. 

It is HARD WORK - the damned demon named HOARDER is worse that a cockroach infestation. The stuff is simply everywhere. 

ONE SURFACE AT A TIME. 

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Now just some side notes.

Yes that lamp is hideous. 

And there was this "FABULOUS" bubble fabric top that I gave away.  (the one I gave away was yellow - so anyone who knows me knows it was not mine) 

Yes that is a Chatty Cathy doll still in it's box. 

The lady who bought her was thrilled. 

She came in to look for something specific, but when she spotted her she sailed across the floor and smiled and was simply over the top excited. 

Seems she had one when she was little and it was lost or destroyed at some point and she had wanted to replace her for many many years. 

At least someone was tickled to have her.

And she didn't say - maybe you should take her back home. 

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I can feel major changes occurring in my life. 

Good changes. 

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

please comment if you struggle with some of this kind of issue. 

Sure would be nice if I had some support out there.